Vinni, if it helps, I’m going through something similar and having a hard time. Very hard time. It helps sometimes to read this:
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/254541
It brings some calm to me you know?
But I’m also desperately seeking advice. So stay strong. People survive through break ups!

Vinni, she’s told you loud and clear what the problem is. You can’t really do anything in a situation like this. You just have to accept. Happens to everyone, buddy. You’re not the only one, trust me.

Here is some constructive criticism for you. I get the feeling from your post that you’ve been kind of “coasting” with this girl. No stable job. Jumping from school to school to be with her. That’s not cool man. This doesn’t sound like you’re taking care of yourself. You can’t be like that in a relationship. In fact, you can’t be like that at all! You need to have solid ground to stand on. You don’t want the other person to constantly support you. It’s a burden. I think this is a good wake up call for you. Use this time to figure out what you want out of YOUR life. Become the person you’d want others to see when they look at you.

What you’re going through is very painful, but it’s probably one of the best lessons life can throw at you. Use this time to reflect on 6 years the two of you spent together. Understand what you did wrong and what you can do to not make the same mistakes again. Understand what you want out of life and out of your next relationship. This almost sounds bad, but i think everyone should go through at least one heartbreak in the life. Hopefully sooner than later. It’s a real eye-opening experience and once you get past it and one day find yourself in a much better position (and you will) you’ll be thanking heavens that it happened.

I wish you luck and please post again and share how you’re doing.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by TriangleSun.

Dear vinni:

i must say I like it that she is very clear with you, that she is assertive. I am sad for you that you lost not only your job but the most important person in your life. This is very unfortunate and your pain is understandable, the pain of loss and your inability, as hard as you tried, to get her back.

But back to her decisiveness and assertiveness, at least you have that; knowing her position and not having to guess about it. At least you know. You don’t have your old job and you don’t have her, but you have this knowing: that she is done with you and that indeed there is nothing you can do about it.

This kind of pain that you are going through, with knowing clearly what is going on (it is over), you can overcome it, with time. The pain will ease up and you will feel better and better… and you will love again and you will be loved, again.

You already took responsibility for your behaviors that contributed to the breakup and you will notice in the future, in your next relationship, when things get tough, to not reject your loving partner,but to allow her to comfort you and help you.

There is this other thing: even without your rejecting her for two months, it is possible that the relationship would have ended anyway: there are other factors, some which you mentioned. You don’t know all there is to know about those other factors and probably, there is no point in knowing. But it is not ALL YOUR doing.

Please do post again and again, for as long as you need to…

anita

Dear vinni:

The pain will end soon enough… over time, it will. You let it be and it will pass on like the weather: the weather changes, clouds clear up, the fog dissipates, the sun comes out… and so is our emotional state, if we let it be… it changes.

I believe I understand your pain, it is that loss, the disappointment in promises not kept, of the weakness of her love for you, that it didn’t carry through the bad times. You loving her so much, this means you are a loving person. This is who you are, loving. It is a good thing, only it hurts when the woman you love stops loving you…

You are welcome, vinni, and please do continue to post, again and again, when you feel bad and when you feel better, and I will respond every time. And over time, you will see, it will get better.

anita

Dear vinni:

You wrote above: “i tried to control it the more i tried more suffocating i feel”- it is better to express the emotion, to not resist them, to not try to control them, because what we resist- persists. Your emotions (emotion= energy-in-motion) need the motion from inside to outside. So do cry, do post here and cry while you type, cry when you read this… cry any time. Let the sadness be and move from your inside out, again and again.

Then be patient with yourself, do not try to rush feeling better, let it be.

And notice, when you are distressed, as you are now, the human brain naturally works over time to resolve the distress. Problem is thinking is not good when distressed. For thinking to be sensible and helpful, we need to be calm. So try not to think much by relaxing as much as you can by maybe listening to music, getting into some slow moving exercise/ stretching (like yoga) or other exercise.

Please do post again!

anita