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Broken from Inside

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • January 16, 2014 at 9:23 pm #49250
    Dimple
    Participant

    Hi,
    I am 25 years and was loving a guy for last 4 years. He told me that he loves me a lot and when it comes to our marriage he told No to me. He told he has promised her friend that he will marry her only and can’t marry me. I am depressed and trying to overcome this. He is saying that he loves me a lot and apart from marriage, everything is fine. But I want to marry him. He is not ready for that. He is saying he can’t marry me but will be there with me forever.
    I don’t know what to do, he was in contact with the other girl also, he daily speaks with her but told me that they are just friends and there is no love between them but i doubt. Sometimes, i think he lied to me. I came to know that before me he was in contact with that girl and even when I was with him, he daily used to call her and speak. When I used to ask him, he simply used to say we are good friends and are talking for past 7 years. He will say there is no love between them but I came to know that they were engaged and the boy was cheating over me. When I asked him directly he told me that he started with me because he started loving me a lot and he told he loves me a lot but can’t marry me.
    Please help me to overcome this. I am depressed and need help. I am afraid and completely lonely. I feel like crying always and that my world is going to end.
    I don’t like anyone else. Please suggest what to do next.

    January 17, 2014 at 7:18 am #49255
    Matt
    Participant

    Dimple,

    I’m sorry form your suffering, dear sister, and know how terrible a broken heart feels. It seems like you fell in love with a dud…. a man that is unable to commit or be honest. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    Consider that it is very normal and usual to weep when we grieve. You had some beautiful dreams of a life with that man, and now the dream crumbles. This is very sad, sorrowful, and its OK to cry. Just keep in mind and heart that the tears won’t last forever, grief is a process that takes time.

    To help the grief settle, consider spending some time doing things you enjoy. Remember you had a lot of sources of happiness before he ever came along. When you were a girl and young lady, you had hobbies and interests that sparkled and glowed as you played. As he came along, perhaps more and more of those were set aside as “he” became the source of your happiness. Said differently, before he came along you had a dream, and its time to remember it! After you got into a relationship with him, perhaps he became the center of your dream, and so now that he is wishy washy and distant, it seems like your dream is leaving, gone, fading. This isn’t so, dear sister, the dream is something your heart will blossom with again in time.

    So be patient with yourself, gentle, tender. Let the tears fall, let the anger and frustration rise and fade, let the thoughts come and go. Surround yourself with beauty and loved ones, and just let your heart grieve. The big questions, such as “what do I do with my life”, “how do I find lasting love and romance”, “what did I do wrong to get in such a state”…. let those go for now. Those answers won’t help the pain, dear one. Comfort, beauty, spaciousness and hugs will, and as your heart settles and comes to terms with what is really there, those answers will be much easier (less painful) to approach.

    While on one hand I am deeply sorry for your loss, on the other I have to admit that I am glad that a noble and loyal heart such as yours didn’t get shackled to him. When you find a man that can dream alongside you, I think you’ll look back and be very glad you didn’t settle for someone that doesn’t respect you.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    January 17, 2014 at 9:52 pm #49303
    yawlie
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    I just read your advice to Dimple and it’s great that there is still guy who can certainly advice to a girl. However, I would like to ask about your personal profile if it would be permitted by you. Then I can ask some advice from if it is also permitted by you.

    January 18, 2014 at 5:02 am #49311
    Matt
    Participant

    Yawlie,

    I’m not sure what you’d like to know… but feel free to post a question (tinybuddha has a rich family of perspectives), or if you’re uncomfortable with that, leave an email address and I’ll get in touch with you.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    January 18, 2014 at 6:23 am #49313
    Donna
    Participant

    Hi,

    I completely sympathize with Dimple. I was with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. Completely out of the blue, just before Christmas, he told me he didn’t love me anymore and we were done. I asked if there was someone else and, of course, he said no. There was and he says he is in love with her. If he had hit me over the head with a sledge hammer I would have not been more hurt. I was totally blindsided by this. It has been almost 2 months and I still cry every single day. He lied to me and cheated on me. I am still living in our apartment and every weekend he is with his new girlfriend. (she lives out of state. they were in college together and got reacquainted on Facebook). He is rubbing his new relationship in my face. I am going to stay with a friend for the next few weeks. I know he treated me so poorly and made a mockery of our relationship, yet I can’t let go. I can’t get the good times out of my head. I ache and I don’t know how to make it stop. I know there is no simple answer to this, but if anyone can help I would surely appreciate it. Thank you and peace to all hearts out there!!

    Donna

    January 18, 2014 at 9:28 pm #49328
    Dimple
    Participant

    Hi Donna,

    I can understand your pain. I am also going through the same pain. I would like to suggest you that you leave that apartment and separate yourself completely from him. He don’t deserve you. Let him be with his new girlfriend, you can’t trust him anymore. If you are feeling depressed or want anyone to talk to you, I as a friend would like to help you. One day you will certainly find someone who will love you but you have to recover from him as fast as possible. Wish you luck and happiness in your life.

    January 19, 2014 at 6:07 pm #49378
    yawlie
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    Thanks. welia2286@gmail.com is my email ad. It is just wanted to ask you a personal info thinking that it could be related. However, it is been already a year that I met an expat guy within work. Based on reality, knowing that I am from an Asian country which makes an English man doubtful even to start a friendship, but we eventually made it into a relationship and broke up. Knowingly that I am from an average family which leaves to just study then work for family. It leads to think that he did not pursue us. After he left for an accomplishments of projects where we met, for the reason where I am not worthy/ matched the way he live as a Bachelor. And by this time, all I know that he’s still chasing for a girl while me did the same thing unto him. I wanted to give a chance to myself to grow and be more responsible enough and able to protect myself from others. But I cannot resist his memories and still lingering on it. I hope it might be understandable to you .

    Welia

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