Hello,

This is my first post. But it caught my attention.

The part of struggling with feelings and regrets its normal. It seems that you made a clear decision, explaining everything to her, something that in my opinion is really good. However, you must understand that this was your decision, and if you’re having second thoughts and let her know, you will only make her have false hopes and hurt her more.

It’s normal to have this moments of life (I’m actually living it but from her perspective) and trust me, that it really hurts and everything that you tell her, text her, etc. she will over analyze it.

In other terms, my opinion as someone dealing with feelings from her perspective is try to avoid to tell her anything that may led her to think you will get back together unless you want to do it.

If you have any doubts about how she might be feeling, everyone is different, but I could try to describe it.

Good luck.

Dear Human:

What you said to her and my comments:

“I’ve been confused/ uncertain.. I’ve come to the possible realization that those feelings stem from my lack of life experience”- I think the confusion and uncertainty stem from the life experience that you did have.

“In order to gain any understanding on.. love, I think I need to have context and experience to learn from”-  the most important experience you have is that of your childhood relationships with your parents. Those were your Formative Years- you learned a lot then, past tense.

“I don’t know anything outside of you”- yes you do, as I pointed to above. You don’t know a relationship with a girlfriend outside of her, but the most powerful relationship/s in your life have been in progress for two decades.

“Actually, I did abandon her. By not fully choosing her every day… I deserted her. Like a precious fragrant flower.. I failed to water, I left alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat”- is this a description of your childhood experience: were you abandoned, unchosen, left to wither?

anita

I honestly don’t know if you’ll ever see this but I hope you do. I’d really like to talk to you. I’d been with my girlfriend for seven years as well (currently 22), and she has recently separated from me for what sounds like the exact same reason that you have separated from your partner. I don’t really know what I hope to get out of leaving a message here. I guess right now I’m struggling with the idea that the person who I’ve been with for almost half my life is now no longer there for me in the same way. I am struggling with the idea that she is moving on and I’m not. I guess I just want to hear more about your perspective; your story. I’ve felt quite alone the last couple of weeks, and seeing someone in a similar situation has given me some hope for the future. For now, I’m unsure of what the position my partner and I am in, but to me, it doesn’t seem good. She said she was not committed to me emotionally 100%, and that she wanted to develop herself more. I guess I’m also looking for some understanding, some insight. I hope you’ll get back to me somehow.

hello, I know this is a post from a year ago, but I am currently in the same situation as you. I would like to know how it goes a year after. Do you still feel regret or did everything get better? I want to know your story so I can figure out what to do.  Hope you see this.  Thanks

Hi all,

I’m in a similar position as a few of you. I have just broken up with a beautiful women of 5.5 years because my heart wasn’t fully committed for a large majority of the reasons above. She is heart broken. It hurts so bad to hurt someone you care so deeply about without being able to fix the problem, because if you do you will only make things worse.

I would love to know from those above who broke up with their partner, going on now years how they’re feeling?

Hopefully you get pinged. If anyone reads this and they have someone they know who has been through this, I’d love to hear your story.

Hi Pansy.
Things will get better. Everything you experience is part of the adventure of life. All the times of your relationship are moments gained and a part of you. Nothing is wasted and you can continue on for new adventures

• This reply was modified 5 years ago by tinybuddha.
• This reply was modified 5 years ago by tinybuddha.