Bringing excitement into a relationship...

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 10 months ago by Jade.

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December 30, 2013 at 8:11 am #47950

chelsea
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Hi there. My boyfriend and I have been together one year and seven months. He is hands down the sweetest guy I have ever met, and I love him to pieces. BUT, lately I feel as though we’ve hit a lull. We don’t go out much or do any exciting things because we’re always short on cash due to LIFE in general. Bills and responsibilities. Neither of us are very creative in finding cheap things to do because the town we live in offers two things: drinking and shopping. To put it bluntly, I hate it here (currently looking into moving to Nashville in 2014). Last night I got really frustrated, and told him I was flat out bored with our relationship. It might’ve been mean but that’s the way I feel, and I could not hold it in anymore. On top of all that, I am terribly insecure and we got into an argument about some chick he friended on facebook. I really dislike myself right now…

What can I do to make our relationship more passionate and get us closer? Also, how do I smash this terrible self-esteem in its tracks? We are an interracial couple so I always compare myself to girls he’s around at work. He’s told me a billion times that he loves me and only me but I can seem to believe it. Please help me before I ruin a good thing.

December 30, 2013 at 10:09 am #47957

Mark
Participant

You may be in a rut since you two are living together. Day to day living makes life routine. If you two were apart then there would be more opportunity to just being together exciting or at least desirable. What did you do before you started living together? Did you go out then? What cheap things did you do before the bills and responsibilities came into your lives?

I believe the ultimate solution is to live apart.

Check out this TED talk about passion between couples: http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html

Mark

December 30, 2013 at 10:13 am #47959

memm
Participant

Maybe you could start thinking about what interests you in life in general? Art? Music? Sports? Philosophy? etc… the list goes on forever.

You have to decide for yourself what in life makes you, well, live, and entertain yourself. It’s nobody else’s job.

With an active mind even if you were a hermit inside a cave you’d find plenty of things to do. =]

December 30, 2013 at 12:23 pm #47973

Macintosh
Participant

Go on a trip, travel somewhere, even if it’s just to the next town and staying in hotel room. Make a weekend out of it, have a couple spa day together. Go out to see a movie or get tickets to a hockey game or a theatre show.

Join a gym together, go on walks, hold hands. Play tennis together or some other sport you both love.

December 30, 2013 at 1:40 pm #47977

Jade
Participant

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and there have been a couple lulls in our relationship where things were stagnant and boring. Part of the problem was just adjusting to familiarity and routine; in our heads we were comparing how things were at the present with how things were in the start of our relationship, when it was fresh and exciting and new. We’re also not very spendy when we’re together so there’s nothing particularly exciting about staying at home watching movies on the couch. But we recognized that saving money was important to both of us, and we recognized that relationships shift over time and familiarity isn’t a bad thing, just a different thing.

I also had a hard time believing my fiancé was really happy with me, but one day he was said “the only way this will work is if you trust me when I tell you things”. And he had a point, I could go through life feeling paranoid and unworthy… or I could accept and believe his words were true and save myself all kinds of worrying. Thankfully deep down, I know I’m a catch and that any man who I choose to be with is getting a sweet deal, so it was just a matter of embracing that ideal instead of listening to my jerkbrain.
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