Hi guys,

4 months have passed and I feel like I have grown enormously after my traumatic breakup. I very well remember the night it happened and how broken hearted I was. My whole world went upside down and then fully collapsed. I endured an enormous pain and was constantly tormented by relentless thinking of how things went wrong. I suffered alot and felt many times that I hit rock bottom. It didn’t help that she works at same place. I still get some days where I feel like I am still stuck. It still continues to break my heart that how my ex quickly moved on with someone. However, I now, clearly see that how much I have learned about life and people and most importantly, how I have become far stronger and wiser than what I used to be.

Here’s what I have learned so far.

1. My identity, my validation and my worth or value is defined by me and me only My worth/value is not determined by the actions of others especially not by people I loved. If my ex decided to leave me that was her choice, it had nothing to do with my worth or value. I am still worthy of love even with many flaws I have.

2. My life wants love but doesn’t revolve around love and love only My life isn’t and mustn’t defined by romantic interest. It has a meaning independent of any personal outcome. It wants love to enjoy love but doesn’t need or rely on love for its meaning. Because if love disappears for some reasons ( sickness, death or changing circumstances), my life still continue to exists without any problem.

3. My happiness is with me always Whether I am loved or not, my happiness is within me always. No one can take it for me. Its part of my nature. If I look for happiness from external sources things or people, I will be disappointed. Because things, people, situations will continue to change.

4. I am not my thoughts and feelings My life experience is defined by me. If I identify myself with how I feel or my thoughts, I will continue to be slave of every single external event in my life and have no center of my own. Its how I respond difficult situations in my life, I define my experience. If I react rather than respond, I will never be happy. Breaking old habitual patterns is the key. Thoughts and feelings usually distort your intelligence. Always look beyond them.

5. What am I scared of? Loneliness, being afraid of not finding someone as good as my ex, running out of time, will be alone forever, these thoughts cause anxiety about future and pain in present. The truth is you can enjoy being alone, you can be happy without anyone. Learn to live with aloneness. Because even if you find your perfect lover, you still will be at times by yourself and what if sickness, death or change causes you to be alone again. Then what? Look for another one? The whole internet dating industry is running on it. What if your solitude becomes your best friend. People will come and go but you will be not be shaken by it. Learn to live alone and find self love.

6. If I find perfect lover, get married with kids, I will be happy This belief is completely wrong. Yes, it will enhance your happiness but it will not make you happy. If it was true, people wouldn’t fight, have divorces etc. Infact, you see miserable people because of their spouses, you see infidelity, you see parents embarrassed by kids poor behavior. Seek love to enjoy love not to make you happy.

7. Stop controlling your life We think that if we eat right, jog right, love right we will not suffer any pain and loss. Truth is we will continue to go through cycles of pain and pleasure, gain and loss etc. We have only limited control over external life. So stop trying to tie all loose ends. Cease struggle and step out of war. Accept things and then enjoy what you have. Life will continue to change whether you will like or not. Break up will change into another relationship or vice versa. You cannot stop it. Do always what you can and then let it go. You can only control how you will respond to life events. Would you continue to be fallen, broken hearted or stronger, brave hearted?

Its only with hardhsips rather than ease, that we gain wisdom. Breakup will make you wiser and you will come out of it as a stronger person. Trust me. Work on yourself.

Brav3