Hi Anita – May I reply to this post?

Dear Nae,

I was exactly in your situation a few years back. I was in relationship with this man for 4 years. He forced me for sex and abused me. Moreover he went abroad and betrayed me and lied to me. That was still not enough for me to hate him. There were many times when I wanted to break the relationship myself but he kept emotionally blackmailing me and got me back to be his girlfriend. Finally when he went abroad he found someone there and broke up with me. I could not come to terms with it. However bad he was to me, my woman’s heart still felt like and still feels like wanting to talk to him. But then what will I talk to him after all these years. What explanation will he give? I am sure whatever he says, I will have a counter argument and the conversation will never end. It will only make me cry and want him back. So it is best to view this way. Start loving yourself. This is the time that God has made you realise that you should be there for yourself. Apply makeup. Dress beautiful. Cook. Start journaling. Write all your questions in the journal and answers too. You will become stronger. Start improving the lives of people around you. Get active in social media. Get admitted to some groups where you can contribute. You should be the center of your life now. He was just a karmic debt that had to be finished. You should not swallow your spit. He is gone and good riddance. There will always be people who are better than him. Who can love you more than him. And one such person is you. Pamper yourself. Fall in love with God. Hear and heed to God’s voice in your head. You will definitely see that things will fall into place. You can always express your feelings here. Anita really helped me get over my depression.

Hi I am 38, I just had sex for the first time and I broke up; I worried about virginity, will any prejudice from my later boyfriend if they know i have lost my virginity? Thanks for your advice

I am from India particularly from the south and here families are very orthodox. It is expected that a girl remains a virgin before accepting a man in marriage. But I have had friends who lost their virginity to their boyfriends before marriage and had terrible breakups as well. They did not marry the guy they lost their virginity to. But they did not tell their future husband that they are not virgin. They told that they had boyfriend before but they did not get physical. I think it is best to maintain this way since you wont be triggering the male ego either. Do not tell your future husband or boyfriend that you are not a virgin. It will save you some slack.

Yeah I know, hic, it is a concern to me. But I am not sure I will meet any single man later at my age :((

Thanks a lot for your advice