my boyfriend of 5 years called me two nights ago crying so I went to his house at 12 am because I was freaking out. I had my friends take my there. the past few days before that night he hadn’t been texting me. I hung out with him the day before that night and everything was fine. I was so confused and the first thing I did when I got there was cry because I kind of felt like he was going to end it because I was so unsure of what was going on. He was hugging me really tight and I kept asking him if he was breaking up with me and he said no, but then

he started crying a lot and then I did.. for so long and then he said ” I value our friendship and I know its more than that” and I kept freaking out and it had kept him from telling me how he felt until I calmed down. he kept hugging me and holding me. then he was like “i don’t want want you to be mad or hurt right now, I just need time to figure things out because I’m going to school in january , but for the time being .. we can’t be together until then. ” and then I was stating my feelings and my fears and that I love him and then he was like “this isn’t a goodbye, please don’t go” and I told him I don’t know if I can talk to him if we’re over.. and he said “i don’t want you to go” and at this time I thought he meant he didn’t want me to go home I told him how confused I was and he was just crying so hard . “you don’t understand, don’t go” he kept hugging me and holding me and he touched my face and did that thing with his thumb on my jaw and he was crying so hard, and I was so sad. I don’t know what any of this means as far as right now, but I guess we’re not together..

a few weeks ago he had told me that we might need a break because he’s scared when he goes up north for school, but then we talked about things and I told him how I truly felt about him and that distance was no factor and we could work around it, then we called off the break. at that time he was saying that he didn’t want us to break up, and that it wasn’t a goodbye and he loves me, he’s just going through so much.

we were so good up until that night I frantically came over. now my stomachs dropped and everything hurts. When I got home after that he had called me 3 times but I wasn’t home yet. i then texted him and said that I understood everything, that I was sorry for seeming too consumed by my own fear to even acknowledge his thoughts, that i’d wait for him and that I’d still talk to him because we were best friends, and that i wasn’t trying to get in the way of his schooling. he said “kiss”.

yesterday morning I woke up and I sent him a text saying “everything will be okay, please don’t worry too much about me, I’m going to be strong for the both of us, and i’m sorry for what youre going through. just know that I support you” and he said “thank you”, then he didn’t text me until night time (i wasn’t expecting him to talk to me anyway, so I was coping) he asked me how school was and told me what he did for the day (sleep) , then tried to call me but I was busy. he said it was fine. then after that nothing else came from him. I decided I told him I got home safely just to let him know. he said “good” and then I sent him a ” (: ” .

this morning he called me an we talked on the phone for a couple of hours, and he’s texting me consistently. he keeps calling me. I’m kind of just confused.

my friends are saying “if its meant to be you’ll be back together” and some other people are saying ” you might have to wait a long time but if you love him just have a little hope” or “if it’s true love you’ll end up together” but my negative thoughts are breaking my heart and making me lose hope. what if he was just letting me down easy.