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Boyfriend needs time to "figure out what he wants"

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  • August 14, 2015 at 6:19 pm #81848
    Annie
    Participant

    Hi Crystal,

    I can feel that you’re going through a very tough time right now. Without clear communication on his part, you are left to wonder about the “what ifs”. Am I correct? You are torn not knowing whether you two will remain as a couple or separate. To be honest, neither I nor anybody else here can tell you whether he was letting you down easy. I think it’s a bit of an assumption on your part as well, but it is a plausible assumption given your situation. Just remember, we can’t read the other person’s mind and we don’t know what is going through his right now. Of course, you have invested a lot in this relationship, but worrying too much will make things more difficult. I am not telling you not to worry, just be aware of all of the outcomes that may come from your situation and accept that anything is possible.

    The only thing we can do is control our own thoughts and actions, but we can’t control others. Just remember that no matter what happens, you will be OKAY in the end. Things will work out for the best, whatever that may be. For now, the best thing is to let things settle in. Do things that you enjoy and be gentle with yourself.

    August 14, 2015 at 7:18 pm #81852
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Crystal:

    .“if its meant to be you’ll be back together”- meant by who or what? No such entity. no pre determined future.

    ” you might have to wait a long time but if you love him just have a little hope” – Wait for… what? Better live life then put it on hold and wait. especially if you wait for the “and they lived happily ever after” god fairy.

    3. “if it’s true love you’ll end up together” True love, what is that? IF it is true love, well it is not love right now, it is a mess. so if it is true love means if it WILL be true love? That is if the god fairy above has a plan for the two of you?

    I had a difficult day so I have little patience for magical thinking this evening. The guy is very emotional, either sincerely so or he is histrionic, enjoying the drama and attention. He may very well be in pain, much of it his own doing. Maybe he had a difficult childhood as so many of us had and is in need of good psychotherapy. I would leave him be, help him with HIS decision to break up with you and show him what it means to break up with someone. Teach him that breaking up means NOT texting the person you broke up with and calling them.

    anita

    August 17, 2015 at 8:15 am #81917
    Ponnara
    Participant

    Hi Crystal

    I am in the same situation with you as well. The relationship is hard and love is really smooth. I was painful for the whole week but now I’m getting up and make myself happy. My boyfriend is complicated. He said that he wants to be my friend instead girlfriend which I wasn’t understand at all. We were not actually argued. We have been kind of a good relationship but just one night that he wants to break the relationship and I still have many question in my mind WHY? My friend said that you don’t have to find any answer, you probably don’t want to know that somehow. Just let it go, move on and love your self. I made up my dream to be with him all my life and imagine a lot. It was over. However, just remember a good memory that we had done. It will make a good friendship eventually. I know its hard to get through. I am trying as well. Thinking about the good thing will happen soon. Once you lost something you will get another thing even better.

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