Dear Tessa:

How about if you do bring your concerns to him but in a way that is as “light and easy” as possible. In actuality I don’t see any other way: you have to bring up your concerns to him. It is your job to pay attention to what you need (to figure what your valid needs are, what is reasonable to expect) and to see to it that you get those needs met.

Communicating those needs to him is necessary, not optional. I believe you are very astute to realize that unnecessary pressure on him is going to be a problem for him and is not going to work well for him or for you. You are worried about not creating more pressure in his life and you are well aware (I am impressed on this point) with empathy and deep understanding on your part, aware of his struggles.

So if I was you, I would communicate with him matter of fact like, in as simple and dry matter of fact style as you can muster. This way he is likely to be able to process what you tell him.
What do you think?

anita

Dear Tessa:

You are welcome. You can, if you’d like, practice or rehearse such approach here. We can come up with a specific example of what you want to talk about with him and how to say it in the least distressing way,

anita