Home→Forums→Tough Times→Body Image insecurities dominating my whole life!
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Anonymous.
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April 19, 2016 at 3:22 am #102203
KareneParticipantCouldnt find the edit button- But I wanted to say that this body image issue – in times of such distress of my refection I swear I do not want to go back to work.
Its so dominating. Any advice I would love. The thing is that when I do go to work I see all types of people and I dont feel as bad as when I am at home. But at the same time I am so embarrased and self concious of how I look- I struggle with not wanting to be seen at the same time of wanting to be friendly with people.
April 19, 2016 at 7:29 am #102209
AnonymousGuestDear Karene:
I read your previous threads and remember them.
I was wondering: do you live with your parents or alone? What were your relationship with your mother/ father growing up, and presently?
And how old are you, about?
anitaApril 19, 2016 at 5:53 pm #102287KareneParticipantHi, I know I am being quite introverted and I do take on advice given. I am just without my therapist at the moment and things are tough.
I am 33 and live with my parents. My mum and I have had co-dependence issues- she has had a disability with hearing and Ive always been one to lean on despite my social phobia. She can be a very anxious person, growing up she did everything for me- I remember going to parties at a young age and seeing all the other children put their own food on their plates- and yet I didnt even know I could do that because mum would do it for me. I always remember mum kind of pushing my body (as a young age) to hurry up and do things – for instance grabbing my hands and showing me how to do stuff or pushing me into directions- I was a very insecure child and she would get a bit fed up with me being a bit slow then. So I know that she can create anxiety in me. I cannot talk to my mum in an deep open way because she has communication issues and doesn’t understand many words- let alone sentences. Its just because of the way she learnt to hear. When I have tried to talk to her in the past about things- she can get without intent- have a negative answer for me. That is why I never really talk to her about stuff personally – particuarly good stuff because I dont get that positive feedback – unless I tell her to- I usually get the opposite- without intent.
When I talk to her about my own things- it has to be pre-thought in a way that she will understand and so that she will give me positive feedback perhaps. Usually I have to make things sound better then they are and things like that.My dad, I hardly talk to – never about personal stuff. When I talk to him its all my femininity has to go out the door for me to feel comfortable. We can talk about things other than my own personal stuff.
So I never really have anyone to talk to. I dont have friends because of this bdd and social phobia- because I have dealt with housebound most of my life. I do have a lady at work I can kind of talk to but I dont like to mention bdd.
I talk to my therapist every 3 months or so – but she is just a councilor and just listens and cant really help me. Ive had CBT in the past and that was not fun.
At the moment my parents are on holiday and I have the run of the house and have felt free and relaxed a bit because of it. But I am so embarassed and ashamed of how I look and I have to go to work tomorrow and face that guy and face everyone. Its really hard – I feel so ashamed of myself, the way I look is not acceptable.
April 19, 2016 at 6:10 pm #102288AnonymousGuestDear Karene:
You always were alone, really, afraid and alone.
When you found your father’s extensive collection of pornographic magazines, when you were a teenager, you looked at all those photos of those naked women. Maybe you figured this is what gets your father’s attention and admiration. He didn’t pay attention to his daughter, but he sure paid attention to those strange women, obviously because of their attractive bodies.
So you focused on this one issue: the body- must be the body, it is all the body, must be attractive enough and then you will get the attention you need.
Your father didn’t pay attention to you because he wasn’t available or willing to do a good job as a parent. Same with your mother. They were not good enough parents. But as children do, you figured it was you who was not good enough.
And that it is your body. And then the guy at work had those women of his facebook with their glorious bodies, and the idea gets reinforced: it must be Karen’s body, the reason why the guy at work no longer pays attention to you.
While in reality, you were unfortunate to not have attentive parents and because of your anxiety, you don’t meet many people, or you are not available to meet loving people, so you still don’t have the attention that you need and needed all along.
The solution is not in getting an acceptable body, looks. You are already worthy of attention and love, you just didn’t come across a loving person yet, to be in a relationship with.
Are you following the points I am trying to make?
anita
April 19, 2016 at 6:43 pm #102292AnonymousGuestDear Karene:
In the post above you wrote: “I always remember mum kind of pushing my body (as a young age) to hurry up and do things – for instance grabbing my hands and showing me how to do stuff or pushing me into directions- I was a very insecure child and she would get a bit fed up with me being a bit slow then.”
You figured your mother pushed you to hurry up because you were slow. No, no… you were not slow, your mother was too fast, anxious, jittery. This is what children do: she pushed you to hurry up, so the Child Karen figures she is too slow while in reality there is something wrong with the mother, she is too anxious and too fast.
And you became insecure because she pushed you. You obsess on your body because your father didn’t pay attention to you but did pay attention to pornography.
There was nothing wrong with the little girl Karene.
anita
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