But I would say that you should forgive them.

Was just reading through this forum to put my own recent breakup in perspective and I felt compelled to reply to this.

I know it must must be unimaginably painful to see him dating the new girl, but the way I see it is that fact completely proves he is full of shit.

For one, it proves that you were right to go through his phone. Maybe if he was completely innocent and he caught you going through his phone he would have right to be mad. But YOU caught him, the fact that he dated her is the ultimate proof that you caught him in a wrongdoing so the way I see it, it doesn’t matter what you did to get that information, it is good that you got it so you can see what kind of person he is before you are even more invested in this relationship.

Finally, it proves he was lying about not taking enough time between girlfriends too. If that was the case, wouldn’t he need this opportunity to take the time that she claims he should have taken before dating you? Not only is he not doing that but jumping into an another relationship right after yours too!

I think all this crap about losing trust in you is just a way to deal with his own guilt being discovered. Either that, or he is just a philandering asshole and he wants to have a girlfriend who will never be suspicious of his infidelities.

I second what Anita has said. I am proud of you for having the strength to avoid him and I would suggest that you keep up the good work in the future! HE is the one not to be trusted and you are much better off without him in the long run.

If it is hard to see that now, I can assure you that you WILL see it in time. This is coming from a person who a few months ago was on the verge of suicide and couldn’t imagine life without his fiancee. I don’t expect you to be happy right now about the fact you dodged a bullet. I wasn’t. You still need to mourn for the person you thought he was and the future you thought you had together. Seeing the reality of the situation does little to ease that pain but I know if you stay strong now you WILL be glad in time 🙂

On a side note, let us know how soon he moves in with the new girl, if it hasnt already happened. He complains that GF’s have had trust issues with him. Can they all be wrong?

Dear Lindsay Harrington:

We may feel comfortable around a person because he reminds us, in some superficial way of someone who was kind to us in childhood, someone with whom we felt comfortable. It could be the looks of the person, the way they smile, the way they talk… that is all it takes. The comfortable feeling you had did not mean he was the-one.

Your last line: “My hope is to… find someone who is mature enough to take blame for their wrongdoing” – lots of people never mature that way. They age and die, still taking no responsibility for their wrongdoing.

When you meet a new man in your life, pay attention as soon as possible: is he taking responsibility for his actions? Is he kind to you day in and day out, continuously? If yes to both- I hope you feel very comfortable with him.

anita

Dear Lindsay Harrington:

I read through all your posts on this thread. Up until Feb 16, he maintained that the breakup was all your fault because you looked into his phone. And now he says it was not the reason, correct? “He admitted it had nothing to do with the phone”-

What an extreme departure from a claim he held so strongly, an accusation he insisted upon- and which you took to heart and felt guilty for.

He is not an honest person. He told you what suited it then and he is telling you now what suits him now. He wants you back and he believes telling you it is NOT the phone and that it is his fault, that it will get you to be back with him.

“Blindsided by the breakup” is the title of your thread. Do not be blindsided by his effort to get you back. If you take him back, and marry him (if it comes to that), you will be choosing a life of blindsided-ness.

You have eyes to see. Don’t give up on seeing reality as it is (not as he claims it to be at any time).

anita