They are friends and she’s happily married. I think it’s because she knows me so well and he knows she’s been with me through the breakup.  She didn’t know how he was feeling at all which is why she blew up at him. He sent me this message at 10pm last night so my best friends snapping at him seemed to do something.

“I just want to let you know that I am deeply sorry about the decision I made. I had come to realize that I could not fully commit to you and your daughter which wasn’t fair to either of you.. Especially her. Over two year’s I have seen her less than 10 times. Mostly my fault. I will own up to that. Even though as much fun as we had it wasn’t right. I feel that I am not going to reliable at this time in my life and with where things might end up in the future for me. I still don’t know what’s going to happen yet but some big changes are coming. I have absolutely no hostility or regret/whatever towards you. I still think of you as a good friend.”

My response: “The one thing that really gets me right now is that you told me to never shut you out and keeping this from me for so long…you did just that. And it makes me wonder if anything you said during that time had any truth behind It, like telling me that you loved us…I hope I’m wrong… Everything that’s happening…it could have/can be dealt with it.

Being committed doesn’t mean you need to be there 100% of the time to be committed 100% of the time. There are tons of families that do that; one person works out of town or they work opposite shifts and they are happy. It’s the times they do spend together that means the most.

I know you don’t see her a lot. With work schedules and her being at her dads on the weekend, it was expected. But you have no idea how much she cherishes the time you do spend with her. She still talks about you, still wants you here. So do I.

What are these big changes that are coming?

And I know nothing I say will change things but this is how I feel…I have no hate or regret either. I do still want to be friends, good friends because we do have fun together.”

My response might sound like I’m trying to convince him to stay but that’s not the case. I just wanted to get out what I’ve been thinking and feeling for the past month. I understand not feeling reliable because of the future but no one knows what the future will hold. No one knows what the next 10 minutes will hold. I guess if anything for now continuing to grow a friendship is better than nothing. Even though it’s hard because I have lost my best friend (him) from the relationship ending. I still have hopes that maybe somewhere down the line things will work out but I feel stupid for thinking and hoping for that to happen. I’ve experienced heartbreak before but this is on a different level.

I thought our communication was pretty good. We talked a lot and if something was bothering us we usually talked about it. He kept this from me for 9 months and didn’t give a hint that there was something wrong (still saying he loved me, whether that’s true or not, still sending me housing listings, etc). I wanted to talk about the break up a week later but he said he wasn’t ready. Even in the message he sent me on Saturday (after me saying again I’d like to talk about this) he said he didn’t really feel like talking. And he’s not an emotional person.
Yes she did blow up and sort of said what I wanted to because he never gave me a chance to express how I was feeling. And I’ve kept my distance because I don’t want him to feel like I’m being pushy. The only one at work that knows about this is the receptionist (an older married lady). I explained what he texted to me on Saturday and she said it sounds like he isn’t sure what he wants in life and is trying to figure it out alone. Which I get.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Kaelina.

I guess saying he called was the bad wording. They talked through Facebook messenger and she screen shot and sent me what he wrote, with him saying he has been feeling this way for the past nine months.

He’s not communicating with her or anyone really right now (and I can assure you that there isn’t anything going on between them). He used to post a lot on Facebook but since the breakup he’s really cut back to maybe 2 posts a day if that. The three of us all met in middle school from being in the same class together.

Hmm never thought about it that way. But good point.

His behavior during these 9 months was the same as it was when we first got together which is why I never saw this coming. He had a very good poker face. Still showing me housing listings, still talking about the future, etc. Example on October 29th he joined my daughter and I for a walk, then went to my mom’s house to carve pumpkins, then all of us went out for dinner. When we were leaving he kissed me, said I love you and text me when you get home. Everything seemed and felt good. Every night after that our texts were the same “good night, love you, etc” So nothing he did was out of character for him for me to suspect that something was wrong. Then come November 6th, he called it off.