fbpx
Menu

Binge eating and self acceptance :(

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryBinge eating and self acceptance :(

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #55085
    Emma
    Participant

    Hello lovely people

    Thank you for taking the time to click on this thread. I’m a 19 year old girl and I have been struggling with a binge eating disorder for around 3 years now. I am currently seeking therapy, however I am struggling more than ever. Binging is still an occurrence and I am hugely struggling to let go of the obsession of my appearance. Even though I have good periods I am slowly gaining weight because of the past binges that are catching up on me. One part of me wants to be self accepting, fully focus on recovery i.e. changing my negative thought patterns, my self concept etc. However, the other half of me feels like I can’t do this when I am gaining weight because I am leaning further towards the self I do not want to be- and I know this ties in with the obsession of how I look. I am at a point where I just feel like giving up on myself, after years of starting afresh, being kind and positive to myself to only binge in a matter of days and disconnect with my whole recovery, I honestly feel like I don’t deserve happiness or self love because I am “fatter” then I was before. I am stuck between wanting to lose weight and wanting to accept myself, both are so conflicting and I just can’t find that middle balance. My priorities are so messed up and I just feel so physically and mentally drained from this horrible cycle. I am genuinely a healthy person who eats a plant based diet and in a happy state I do not choose or want to eat foods that are considered “unhealthy” e.g. refined sugars, non- plant based foods. However, when I am in a bad state I find myself eating all the things that are unhealthy and I can’t understand why because I know that they do not make me happy.

    I don’t know what anyone can make out of this, I am also unsure of what advice I am expecting but I just feel like I need a bit of guidance in being able to just let go of my past mistakes, being accepting with myself and getting out of this hopeless rut.

    Anything will be appreciated. Thank you for reading this.

    #55134
    Lisa
    Participant

    Hi Emma,
    I also had a binge eating disorder when I went through college. I am sorry that you are struggling with this and good for you for seeking therapy. That helped me immensely. I understand that feeling that of being in a circle you can’t break where every solution to the problem is a problem – self acceptance means gaining weight which means more urge to binge. What helped me:
    *Gratitude – strange as that sounds, it helped me to recognize that the eating disorder was a way for me to get through a difficult time. Sometimes, too, it means that you actually are the strong one in the family as it lets the family focus on you rather than more difficult issues they are unable or unwilling to address. I keep a journal by my bed now where I write 5 things I’m grateful for at the end of the day.
    *Forgiveness for bingeing- realize that setbacks are part of the process. I considered it a check in to see if that’s really where I wanted to be. Everytime I realized it wasn’t where I wanted to be, my resolve to move forward strengthened. In an experiment by Peter Skillman, he found that multiple iterations almost always beat single minded focus around an idea. In “The Zigzag Principle” by Rich Christensen he found the road to success is never a straight line. In other words, we learn more and have greater success when we have “failure” as well as success.
    *God doesn’t make junk! – This was from one of Marianne Williamson’s books. I don’t know if you believe in god or a higher power but when I heard this, it healed a part of me that thought I was a horrible, worthless person. I would recommend any of her books or CD’s.
    *Explore ways to be self expressive (with compassion) – whether that’s making a vision board, writing, dancing, singing. I don’t know about you but sometimes this was hard for me because I wanted my creative expression to be perfect. In “The Up Side of Down: Why Failing is Key to Success” by Megan Mcardle she writes that there are two mindsets: Fixed Mindset where challenges are a dipstick to measure how high your ability is and a Growth Mindset where challenges are an opportunity to deepen your talents. I encourage you to embrace the Growth Mindset in your journey.

    Do you realize how powerful you are? All that energy that is currently going towards this struggle means that you can do amazing things once you break free. You already have a tremendous amount of insight and a strong desire to move forward. It is possible to recover!

    Lisa

    #55141
    Julia
    Participant

    Hi Emma,

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I too suffered from binge eating disorder for many years and know what a frustrating and rewarding experience recovery can be.

    One thing that struck me about your post was the statement, “I am stuck between wanting to lose weight and wanting to accept myself, both are so conflicting and I just can’t find that middle balance.” I think it is important to remember that your eating disorder is ultimately not about food. Instead, food and body weight are the vehicle through which your relationship with yourself and those around you is manifesting. So it is not really about accepting yourself and gaining weight OR not accepting yourself and losing weight. The real challenge is to accept yourself regardless, to love yourself unconditionally. If you resolve your relationship with yourself and are able to care for yourself regardless of circumstances, you will not need to turn to food to deal with difficult or challenging emotions and circumstances. Accepting yourself is the precursor to managing your eating behavior and establishing a healthy relationship with food and your body. Remember that the thoughts about food and body weight are a mask for deeper issues that your heart is calling you to attend to.

    I hope that helps! You are brave and strong and incredibly tenacious. The lessons of your recovery will absolutely enrich your life and the lives of everyone fortunate enough to know you. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

    -Julia 🙂

    #55148
    Lisa
    Participant

    Julia – That’s so true. When I began to understand and accept myself the obsession over food went away and I naturally maintained my weight. I really like how you spoke to that.

    #55172
    Will
    Participant

    There’s some great stuff here by Lisa and Julia. Your perception of conflict between accepting yourself and losing weight struck me too. These are not in opposition. You’re not looking for a middle balance. You’ll looking for the point of view where you see there is no conflict between the two.

    You’re trying to move from one motivating force to another. From controlling to caretaking. This will take time and a lot of stops and starts, but once you get the hang of it life will be better. And it doesn’t mean you’ll balloon up like Violet Beauregarde, I promise. That’s the fear, and I know it’s scary as hell to let go of what control you feel you have, but you can do it. Bit by bit, try to be less of a dictator to yourself and more of a caring parent. Would a caring parent feed you junk? No. Would a caring parent yell at you for wanting to eat nothing but cookies? Of course not.

    Don’t give up on yourself. You’re a beautiful and worthy human being.

    #55229
    S B
    Participant

    Emma,

    I know your pain, when times were tough in my life, I too resorted to self-destructive behaviours like binge eating, drugs, etc.,
    In my humble opinion, you must learn to love yourself first. Self-love is not looking in the mirror and comparing yourself to whatever archetype or ideal you have in mind. Self-love means you will do the things you enjoy, with the important people in your life by your side, and not be self-critical or worry too much about what others think. Make sure that your mental, emotional, and physical states are taken care of first, and then you will naturally take care of yourself. Remind yourself of those that love you for who you are, and add yourself to that list. Once you realize your true self, your body will respond in kind.

    Always keep in mind that being uncomfortable with your body is normal, but being self-critical or worrying is in itself, suffering. Clear your mind and your space and think more about the person you are and not the person you want to be.

    Good luck, you are loved.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.