fbpx
Menu

Bf cheated on me for 2 years, now acts like he wants me back.

Home→Forums→Relationships→Bf cheated on me for 2 years, now acts like he wants me back.

New Reply
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • June 13, 2016 at 4:13 pm #107170
    Lyla Drews
    Participant

    was with a relationship for 2 years. A few months ago i found out he had been two- timing me with his ex (i was apparently the side chick). I broke up. He pursued her like a crazed stalker for a month but she left him for good. Then he came for me. Being the emotional fool that i am i took him back. We were okay for a few days – then i find out he had been contacting her again.It shattered me. I left him again and again he chose to pursue her. After a while when it became clear she wasn’t coming back, he came for me again and AGAIN i took him back. But this time i had huge doubts and grudges against him. I started fighting daily. I also found out he still had her nude pics on his phone. When confronted he said he “didnt know about them”.

    He makes me feel like I’m the one who provokes him into contacting her. He always blames my temper for it. I end up feeling terribly depressed. I end up crying everyday

    I feel so worthless. He was engaged to her, used to buy her gifts constantly, write her long love letters – he does nothing like that for me. He treats me like someone he wants to string along.

    Im in mixed emotions over this. One part of me wants to forgive him and better myself, the other part wants to dump him. He is also trying vehemently to move to another country for work, but keeps on telling me that he won’t go. His words and actions often don’t match. He hits and punches me sometimes but I feel like I provoke him to do that. Some days he acts really loving and the other days he says I make his life hell (this is because I complain when he doesn’t call me or talk to me lovingly).

    Can someone PLEASE tell me what to do? I feel like I will go mad due to my insecurity and fickleness of mind. Help!

    June 13, 2016 at 7:39 pm #107194
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lyladrew:

    Please end this relationship immediately, in the next hour. He hits and punches you sometimes, that is enough to end it yesterday, retroactively to the first time he punched you.

    Staying with him is bad for you. The more you stay with him, the more hurt you will be.

    After you end this relationship, in the next hour, in the next day, can you attend psychotherapy or some kind of counseling so to heal some of the damage this relationship has caused you?

    anita

    June 13, 2016 at 9:43 pm #107217
    mahesh
    Participant

    See,I too have been in this kind of a situation and I know it’s tough to deal with the situation.Break the relationship immediately for your betterment,life is full of surprises and you might find someone whom you would love more than anyone else.He is having nude pics of his ex is enough to know the mentality of that guy…Stay away from him and you would see how beautiful life can be.

    July 9, 2016 at 10:06 am #109233
    Lyla Drews
    Participant

    Hey!
    So I finally left this guy. Actually he dumped me over some small argument. And guess what? He immediately ran back to his ex. It hurts that I have to watch the man I loved, stalk his ex like an obsessed madman. Hes creating various accounts to get to her, emailing her day and night, begging for her number. He seems to have forgotten I even exist.

    l finally FINALLY worked up the will to not contact him anymore. Its been 10 days that we haven’t spoken.

    It does hurt watching him forget me and run after her. But I take this as God’s divine intervention, to prevent me from ruining my life in the wrong hands.I really hope the withdrawal pain doesn’t kick in and make me weak in any way. Its like my brain knows he’s an asshole and my heart is slowly accepting that fact as well. Before leaving he made sure to dump the relationship’s failure on me. Im dealing with that too. It takes a lot of effort to recognize that it was he who had messed up since the start, not me.

    I only wish his ex won’t take him back, though.

    July 9, 2016 at 10:19 am #109234
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lyla Drews:

    I hope your heart will catch up to your head more and more and that you will know the truth emotionally and not only intellectually. If you experience withdrawal pain, it would be withdrawal from the illusion of love, wouldn’t it? I mean, it was not love, was it?

    anita

    July 9, 2016 at 10:26 am #109235
    Lyla Drews
    Participant

    Nope, it wasn’t.
    I think withdrawal pain in my case is…I sometimes feel this barrage of guilt…that MAYBE I could have been better, MAYBE he could have grown to love me if I hadn’t made the mistakes I did…but then I realise that 2.5 years is a long enough time for a person to decide whether they want someone or not. He had started this relationship knowing full well he wanted his ex…so it wasn’t really love. It was me who fooled myself into thinking it was. I miss him terribly…but have no intentions of contacting him ever again. It just hurts to see him chase her over and over again.

    July 9, 2016 at 6:50 pm #109258
    Miniature Bodhisattva
    Participant

    Oh Lyla, I’m so sorry! What a mind f**k (pardon me, I can’t think of my delicate way to put it).

    I’ll echo anita’s advice of getting in touch with a therapist or other mental health professional. Maybe join a support group of women who’ve gone through something similar. The scars (both of body and mind) of a physically abusive relationship most often need serious treatment. I encourage you every-time you’re tempted to feel sorry for him to instead channel those energies and thoughts inward instead – start brainstorming what your need to get through this. It will be a challenge to do all that mental unpacking, but it will be so worth it!

    Finally – and this should go without saying – if this dude reaches out to you again, firmly tell him not to contact you ever again. If it escalates and he becomes violent again, get the police involved. Change your phone #. Move. Do what you have to do to protect yourself.

    Otherwise, take good care of yourself. Go see a funny movie, spend time with those that care about you, get a mani/pedi…whatever! Self care is the best prescription for withdrawals!

    July 9, 2016 at 8:32 pm #109262
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lyla Drew:

    It could be that you are repeating a dynamic you had with a parent: reaching out to an unavailable parent again and again, believing the parent doesn’t love you because it is something you did wrong, made mistakes, wasn’t good enough daughter. A child, brain still forming, doesn’t understand, wouldn’t believe that her parent is simply … not available to love, that is too threatening to believe. So the child believes instead that the parent is a loving person, only the child is not deserving it yet. So the child tries and tries to deserve it.

    Is this the case?

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.