I am sorry for your pain Karen. It probably is too raw and too early to really “do” anything about your situation except to give yourself compassion and time to heal. Have you tried the Loving Kindness Meditation? Check on YouTube or the web to find out what that is. I believe that is a good tool to be able to cope with your situation.
We all make mistakes and do the best we can with the knowledge we have and who we are at the time. I know it is easy to say but very hard to do but to dwell on your regrets and your past takes you out of the present moment. Our thoughts create our pain. Sitting with ourselves and be with the present moment helps to get out of that.
Take care.
Metta,
Mark