Dear Tessa:

First point: best you do not discuss what happens in your therapy sessions, or as a result of it, with anyone other than your therapist (If you share here, I believe I will not handicap your process). If your therapist is competent, then she is qualified to promote your healing, not to handicap it. Your best friend handicapped it with her commentary. Learn your lesson. Others may do the same as this friend has done- so don’t compromise the help you are getting in competent therapy.

With this friend you are referring to, I would keep things light. If what you share with her is heavy for her, she responds negatively to you. So, either you end the friendship or you keep it light.

You clearly need support, and understandably so. With your family members occupied with their troubles, they are not available to provide you with the safety that you need to feel strong. This is probably why you relied this heavily on this friend.

Fortunately, there is no limit of length on your posts here, on this lovely website. Other than keeping your language family-friendly and not spamming, you can write ALL your feelings, as often as you want. And you have me to reply empathetically and respectfully to you. So “What do (you) do?”- share, here.

And, most important, keep your therapy going.

anita

Dear Tessa:

You feel that “she has a need for keeping the upper hand, and (you) don’t appreciate that.”-

If you reach out to her, as you are considering, you will feel she is having the upper hand, once again. That will make you feel resentment. I don’t think you like to have the… lower hand, to be under another’s upper hand.

So, no. I wouldn’t reach out to her and take in the thought, come to peace with it, that it is okay if she doesn’t reach out to you.

Time to remove the “Best” out of the “Best Friend” title… maybe the “Friend” as well.

anita