Hi,

I have a “best friend” who I’ve considered a best friend for almost 14 years now. I think my last post on here was actually about how she wasn’t being supportive at the time for the past few months and how alone I was feeling because of it.

Slowly things started to recover after I gave her space and we started chatting regularly again. We text most of the day while we’re at work because we both work at advertising agencies. One thing we bond on is discussing what’s going on at our companies and work processes, whether it’s complaining about our day or just general discussion. The longer this has gone on, the closer we’ve gotten and I think we depend on each other a bit too much for emotional support. At least, I might depend on her a little too much. I feel like she only needs me when she wants me there (hence the whole thing of her being a little distant for a few months).

I was going through a really hard time (still am, sort of) and I was venting to her too much. I needed support from a friend, it wasn’t even as much “complaining” as it was serious emotional issues and very serious family issues I was experiencing at the time. However, I did understand that she’s only one person and it’s hard to be depended on for such dark issues. She would be condescending because she just truly didn’t get it — and I am sometimes the same way when people vent to me. I have a tendency to “mock a pain that I haven’t endured”. It’s something I need to work on.

We got better and things bounced back. I was doing better emotionally and I even started seeing a therapist, for the exact reason of not depending on friends as much to listen to my issues. I had a great session (my second session ever) and had a “break through” that I’m not grieving my ex as much as I thought I was. I’ve been having severe weight and body issues and I think it’s because I can control that more than I can control grieving my ex or dealing with my family issues. I kind of stopped talking about my ex after 6 or 7 months because I just figured no one wanted to hear it anymore, and that I had crossed the point of being “sad”. I didn’t want to make myself look weak. Especially because of friends like this one who just hated my ex and thought it was stupid and naive for me to have a soft spot for him still.

So, when I realized that I had been repressing the grief, I felt so relieved. I realized that I really had been kind of been pushing it to the back of my head for a few months and not openly grieving. Since I tell my best friend everything, I was eager to tell her about my realization when I got out of therapy. She started questioning everything I said and was insinuating that the therapist was sort of “planting” these feelings inside my head, making it seem like it was wrong for me to be feeling the way I was feeling. She kept telling me “you need to be careful”, “i know you get excited about things, but going to therapy isn’t going to solve all your problems” and that “just because she said it doesn’t make it right.”

I was so confused? I came to the realization all on my own and if anything I thought it was good that I had made some progress! This friend of mine went through therapy last year after a bout of depression and anxiety so I didn’t understand her lack of support. She seemed resentful that I actually like my therapist, as I know most people have to try a few to get the right fit. But i honestly like mine! What is so wrong with that?

I kept trying to explain my emotions and the dichotomy of having a soft spot/missing my ex/loving and grieving him all the while knowing I need to move on. It was a concept she couldn’t wrap her head around. The more I explained the more she resisted, until it became a fight. I don’t understand her motives.

Would she have wanted me to have a bad therapy session? Does she just not want to hear about it AT ALL? Is that someone I can consider a best friend? I hadn’t talked to her about my ex in months. And ONE time is too overwhelming for her? Have I broken a threshold of dependency on her that she will always be annoyed at, even if what I’m venting about is normal? I don’t know what to do. I know I can be a lot, I am a huge talker (as you can tell by this post) and I come off intense. But I’m kind of at a point where it’s like “take it or leave it.”

She likes me when I’m doing good, but when I’m not or showing signs of weakness, she clearly puts up this annoyed and condescending wall. We’ve been friends for so long and I can’t blame her for simply just not getting it, but it hurts. Do I keep being best friends with her but just try to keep things light? Help! What do I do?