Hi Steve

I’ve had similar thoughts to you about people that I called my friends, especially those that were there for me during tough times. You’d think that those people would be “true friends”, the ones that are there for you when things are tough, right? Sadly, I’ve learned that this is not necessarily so. Some people – and I used to BE one of these, I’m ashamed to say – are drawn to friendships and relationships where they need to “fix” the other person. This doesn’t come from a place of care for that person, but from their own codependent desire to be leaned on, and the feelings of validation they subsequently get.

Secondly, I would suggest you look carefully at your relationships. Do you spend more time pursuing those who consistently reject you, trying to win them over, than you do with people who seem pleased to hear from you, and happy to be in your company? When self-esteem is low, the temptation is to think poorly of people who like you, and idolise those who don’t.

Thidly, if all else fails, and you are continually rejected by everyone, then you may need to do some soul searching. Not that I’m saying you have either of these problems, but some people I know (and reject) are objectionable on the basis of poor personal hygiene, or expressing strong social or political views in a tactless way. I would look to the first two before concluding the second 🙂

Wishing you well!

Dear Steve,

I am sorry to hear that things have been feeling this way – but hold on, i am sure its not you. It feels that way but it really isnt you. Its just life and sometimes these things happen – people move away, get into a new life situation and things become a bit distant. Maybe your friends are too occupied with their work-mates to pay attention to you – maybe they are just super occupied – whatever it is, give it some time. Regarding the lady at the store, yes her behavior must have felt so so odd but she is in a new life situation (dating after divorce), perhaps thats why the distant behavior. I would say that for now, you keep yourself busy with a routine (which i am sure you are doing) and find a new passion. I know it can be hard when it feels like everyone’s shutting us out but believe me, its not you, its just the situation to be honest and its their loss. Give it time, i am sure things will feel better and please know, that you are absolutely not alone in feeling this way. It happens to all of us sometimes. Dont be too hard on yourself 🙂

– Moon

I love what @Raventrue said! Steve1 (I think you’re the same person who gave me the advise about meetup, not sure) life is crazy & mysterious, sending us in a million directions that are not always comfortable. I honestly think that you should create a NEW you, not try to go back to who you were before your marriage as that will never happen. You are you BECAUSE of your marriage, because of your beautiful children (since I recall you mentioned 2 boys from this marriage)…all this has been part of your journey. Ask yourself what you want to be now? And create that. Pursue people who enrich the new you you want to be. I bet when you look at this you will realize those old co-workers are not even worth another try as they most likely aren’t people who will enrich this new person you are becoming 😉 Love & light Steve1…something big is just around the corner, you just have to stop looking to the right and look to the left 😉

Yay!