Vashi,

I am so sorry for the difficulty and hopelessness you’re experiencing. Being bullied is not easy, and its no wonder you look for relief! Don’t despair, dear sister, there is always a path to joy. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Your sisters-in-law bully because of their own pain and suffering. I know in this moment it feels like “why do they do this to me?”… consider spending a little time contemplating “what the hell makes women act that way?” My guess (from what little information you provided) is that they are jealous of your connection to their brother, and so gang up on you to make them feel better about who they are. It really depends on social structure, do you happen to live in a highly male dominant culture?

The main source of release from bullying comes when you realize it has nothing to do with you. Bullies are in the habit of bullying, and so they lash out. Sometimes they don’t even know they are hurtful, and see it as “being friendly” or “treating her like family”. If you feel comfortable, consider going into a little more detail about what you’re experiencing, and myself and the other loving hearts at tinybuddha will do their best to help you find peace, empowerment, and compassion. It will be good if you can move your mind from a place of “oh, why me?!?” to “OK, this is bullshit, what do I do next?”

Also, consider reading http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm

Namaste, sister, may peace be yours.

With warmth,
Matt

Vashi,

You’re welcome, and thank you for finding the courage to open up here and look for a path of love and contentment. Sometimes we try to fight fire with fire, which if you think about it, its no wonder why it escalates. For instance, arguing with your husband until things snap and become physically violent. This is normal, and I’m glad he shocked himself and stopped. Consider that perhaps your strategy is a little lacking, but with some effort on your part, you can reclaim your peacefulness. Said differently, don’t fight fire with fire, soothe it with ice. The ice melts, and the water becomes mutually nourishing.

For instance, if you can accept here and now that the sister’s pattern of being a spoiled brat is actually afflicting her in many ways, then you can find the gateway to peace. Not only will she appear as a child throwing a tantrum (which naturally keeps her actions all about her), but you’ll be able to see the difference between her potential and her reality, and help her find peace. So how do we find that view? Well… do you think she was born spoiled? What happened to your dear sister that twisted her mind in such ways? There you are with love in your heart, and instead of sharing joy with you, she attacks you? How sad for her! Look at what she’s missing out on! If she is this aggressive with you, imagine how pernicious her anger and suffering must be! Undoubtedly many of her connections with others will follow such a pattern. How alone she must feel!

This compassionate view of her is where the ice can arise from. For instance “how painful it must be for you to have so much anger inside your body to lash out at me with such fury!” Or “You may see me as garbage, but I choose to love you. No matter what you see, I see my angry sister saying mean things.” or whatever your heart comes up with. As a mother, you have surely said many times “tantrum all you want, my dear sweet child, I will love you no less, even though I will not buy you that toy/give you that candy/go without rest.” It won’t work if you’re wielding it as a weapon, but with time it will work if you are pouring your love back to her.

In the meantime, there is no reason for you to go on feeling crappy. Consider taking up a metta meditation practice. We strengthen the power of our loving kindness intentionally, and it gives us an amazing stability of heart. What we do is focus on someone that is easy to love, to feel warmth and joy as we poor our well wishes and love toward them. Then, as the warmth is glowing well, we envision ourselves pouring it to someone neutral, such as the stranger who sold you groceries. Then, gently we envision ourselves sharing our glow with the difficult ones. With practice, that glow becomes strong and resilient. Consider checking out YouTube “guided metta meditation” and find one that works well for you. Even a few days of 30 minutes of practice will make a huge difference.

Namaste, sister. You’re stronger and closer than you think! Remember that the keys to joy are always internal.

With warmth,
Matt

Most likely they are jealous of you, or your husband, or both.
I have the exact same issue, and I am strongly out-numbered. I am fortunate enough to live far away from them, and it is still hurtful. Keep in mind that maintaining a peaceful demeanor while they show their “true colors”, it will be obvious to all involved, especially your child, what the correct and righteous behavior is.
Best of luck to you, Dear.
Love and Light to Your Family.