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Being a single woman at 32 souring my relationship with family

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  • May 20, 2015 at 7:53 am #77003
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Vidalevi:
    Child killing was a traditional value and practice:parents used to have the legal right to kill their children. Somebody decided it was not ethical, not right, not just to kill a child, even if it by a parent. So it became illegal and punishable by law. This is an example of something traditional that is not right and not just.

    If your mother/ parents wanted to introduce a man to you because it is traditional to do so, why not, I would say- resepect tradition and meet the man they think you should marry. No harm done: meet him. Then make YOUR OWN evaluation about whether you want to meet him a second time.

    You choose WHAT tradition to accept in your life and what tradition to reject. Your well being is your responsibility. Your job is to be good to yourself. Who will take this job if you do not? Obsiously it is not your mother’s job- your well being is not something she is working for.

    The whole purpose of tradition is to benefit the individual, that is, support the tribe becasue the tribe protects the individual. Supporting the tribe when you don’t need the tribe for your benefit makes no sense. See what i mean???

    Take care of yourself:
    anita

    May 21, 2015 at 3:13 am #77046
    Wendy
    Participant

    Dear Vidalevi,

    The problem with many traditions is that they come from a place of fear, just like what is happening to you right now. Your family is not telling you – “Do this because it is good for you”, they are instead saying that “if you don’t do this, you will die alone/be lonely/miserable”. How can you be expected to start a relationship of love, when the decision is based on fear and anxiety ?

    No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you refusing to make a decision under pressure or guilt. Certainly not one on marriage. If you don’t like the person they have set you up with, nothing wrong with that. Please don’t give in to the fear that you are too old/this is a last chance/you don’t have choices left. People are not like fruits on a tree, that if you don’t take them fresh, there won’t be any left !!! Thats not tradition, that is very much like a doomsday prophecy.

    And of course you will make mistakes with decisions…it’s a part of life and growing up. If you don’t make your own mistakes, you won’t learn. Yes there is pain when you fall off a bicycle, but that doesn’t mean you fix trainers to your cycle all your life. Don’t take them very hard.

    I know this is hard to practice, but whatever you choose to do, try to ensure that the choice comes from a genuine place of happiness, joy and love and not because of blackmail and resignation on your part.

    Sending you love, light and strength

    Wendy

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