Hi Chris,

I don’t know if I’m the best at giving advice but I read your story and your dating issues remind me of one of my very good friends. He is not bi-sexual but he desperately wants to find a girlfriend and has a hard time doing so. He has been trying for a few years now.   I don’t know how much in common the two of you have but for my friend anyway, he is so desperate for a girlfriend that I think that shows and chases people away.  If anyone shows any remote interest in him he is telling me if he thinks he can marry her or not. I’m always like it has been two dates!  The fact is that he comes on too strong. Self love is an important part of this. I feel like you have to be comfortable with being single and have confidence in being alone that is an attractive quality in a mate.

Not to mention dating just sucks in general. It’s not easy to meet someone that you are compatible with and want to spend your life with. Don’t feel bad because it is taking time. I had a 4-year stretch where I must have went on over 100 dates and met no one significant. I have lots of friends who have been dating for a long time.  I have other friends who are now in relationships but I remember that they dated for a long time. It is not totally out of the ordinary to take time to meet someone I think that is normal. As long as you are trying it’s impossible that you will be alone forever.

Also for the girl who was afraid of you being bi-sexual maybe you should bring that up earlier int he dating process even if it does limit your options more. By withholding that information you are wasting both of your time.

As for your parents, the only person who will have to live your life is you. While they are your parents and important parts of it I’m sure you should settle because of pressure from others. I have a difficult family even though they never pressured me to settle down. I am in my 30’s and I have moved out of the town where I grew up and talk to them frequently enough. That has really helped me but I don’t know if that is something you are willing to do. Although it would be a clean slate to be the true you if you feel like you can’t be yourself with them around. If not that perhaps try meeting people a town or two over?

Overall to me it sounds like you may be too “evolved” and unique for your physical surroundings. that’s not a euphemism, it’s complimentary. it sounds like not just your parents but your town on the whole make for a close minded environment. Maybe taking yourself out of these physical surroundings will help you to flourish and find yourself without feeling like you’re under the yoke of all these people around you. I know you have job obligations there but unless youre pulling in 6 figures, maybe taking the plunge and moving will open up a new world to you. If you move to a region that is more open minded and liberal (i’m not trying to get political here) you will more like minded friends and lovers who are going to accept you for the way you choose to live as long as youre not intentionally hurting anyone. I live in downstate NY and in my area if one was to tell a new girlfriend that they’re bi, I honestly think in the majority of cases they would say something along the lines of: “cool. so where did you want to go to dinner tonight?”  when you say: “My family honestly makes me feel very small for not being in a relationship. My father tells me how disappointed he is with me not having a wife and kids yet.” it seems to me like they want you to settle. but you know what happens when people settle when they know they are with the wrong person? they ( no offence intended) end up like your mother’s situation with your father and I have a feeling you don’t want to be in her shoes. There is very literally an entire world outside of your town. there are over 7 billion people on this planet, and having the blessing of being bi gives you many more options than your average straight or gay guy out there when it comes to finding a partner! Go exploring…live YOU’RE life! not the life your family wants you to live! a new world and a new tomorrow are waiting for you, but you have to make the first step because no one will do it for you. best wishes and good luck!