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Bad "Luck" In Love?

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  • July 13, 2013 at 4:11 pm #38546
    Alisha M.
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I’ve been reading Tiny Buddha for a few weeks now and decided to register so I could get some advice on a problem I’ve been having for a long time. I feel like, when it comes to love, relationships and dating I have had no luck. Sometimes I wonder if I’m cursed (! lol) or bound to be single for the rest of my life (I’m in my mid 20s). The people i know have at least been in a relationship once before.

    But I haven’t. Every time I expressed interest to a guy, been open, etc…It ends horribly wrong or doesn’t develop. I’m hurt or left wondering if something could be wrong with me. I know i have so much to offer-I just want the chance. I’m careful to not come off too cold or too desperate (but that’s what I think). I want something organic to develop between me and a man and take opportunities that come up.

    I have been reading some wonderful articles here but I feel that most the authors have already been in a relationship(esp long term) and I’m trying to figure out how to get into one. I really want to experience what it’s like to be a couple. I feel like time is kind of running out. I can do so many other things in my life except this love thing. I really want that. Once again, thanks for any advice and I’ll be more than happy toadd or clarify things. Oh, and sorry for any grammar/spelling errors!

    July 14, 2013 at 2:57 am #38560
    iris valera
    Participant

    Hey, Alisha!

    First off, you said you are in your mid-twenties, perfect time to enjoy singlehood and freedom to whatever you want, go wherever you want and be whoever you want. you’re so young to be thinking you are bound to be single for life. lol!

    The right time will come , and the it will the moment you never expect it to happen. Trust me. When you seek it, it’s like you’re chasing it away. You just have to enjoy your freedom being unattached at the moment.

    Each of us has preferences. And each preference doesn’t define the other person chosen or not chosen for every relationship. Perhaps the guys you did like for once, don’t prefer your personality, not because you do have a bad one, but because those guys are aiming to find someone that fits the bill. Does this make sense?

    It’s like you are looking for a pair of shoes in green color, and all that you see are red ones. No matter how fabulous they are, you don’t just pick a pair, ’cause you prefer a pair of shoes in green color.

    Perhaps you have not come across that person who prefers your personality yet. Then while still single, take the time to discover more about yourself, and what personality you prefer among guys. Maybe that will help you bring to the right place where you can meet the guy that is in sync with your personality, or that person who is just as amazing as you. So don’t rush or force things even. Take time and enjoy life.

    Iris

    July 14, 2013 at 4:19 am #38562
    Florence
    Participant

    Hey,

    I know excatly what you mean Alisha. I am going through the exactly the same thing. I am 22 and trust me when i say , I know i am young and should enjoy being free, but the thing is, it doesnt always work like that. To me i feel, whats more powerful than love with someone in this life? i would do anyting to be in a relationship with somone that i loved and that loved me.

    I have recently just met a man, and have been on 1 date, yip, 1 date. And already i am thinking about him non stop. In the past few days of waiting for a text that still hasnt come, here is what i have learnt.

    Firstly, the fact that you are in a place that you want love means you are open to it. And that to some degree you appreciate and know it for its beauty. Babe, you have it all in your heart and thats the most powerful gift any one can ever have. And it is inevitable that the love that sits in your heart, will one day attract something amazing. Have faith, in God, In the universe, what ever. Just believe. I am sitting at the moment with an almost pain in my heart, from the longing that is so extreme, but i nkow that God hears my prayers, so i have to LET GO, and trust that it will happen.

    July 14, 2013 at 7:47 am #38570
    Alisha M.
    Participant

    Such beautiful, wonderful responses! Thank you so much, ladies! The both of you are right. I just have to believe and trust things will work out while I live life. A guy would be nice but I guess I should take this time in my life to explore myself more. Perhaps that’s the lesson lol.

    Iris: Yeah those guys were looking for a different kind of woman. The kind I just couldn’t be for them. There are some important things I didn’t want to compromise on. Not knocking other woman that fit what they want, but I see what you mean. Add in the fact I used to like the wrong kind of guys or ones lacking the qualities that make a good relationship-I probably the need extra time for myself and resist the urge to chase/force.

    Florence: I know what it’s like to wait for a text! Oh, it’s horrible! But I’ve changed my policy on that after a disaster I had about a year ago. I literally was getting sick over waiting for texts. I can’t believe what I put myself through when I think back on it! I was breaking a sweat and hurting over crumbs basically. I wanted things to work so bad.

    Sometimes I feel this societal pressure and pressure from family. Like you are supposed to be married in your twenties. Kids in 30s…so on. I have to remember it’s not realistic for *every* person to meet those timelines.

    Thank you ladies so much again 🙂

    July 15, 2013 at 7:44 am #38644
    Jade
    Participant

    Hi Alisha,

    Don’t let the “supposed to’s” of society and family dictate what YOU want. I know exactly how intense that pressure can be, I got into my first long-term relationship when I was 26, now I’m 33 and still not married but I am HAPPY. But family/society/TV commercials seem to have a problem with my happiness and continually remind me that I will achieve “real” happiness when I marry my boyfriend and start having children. Of course, I DO want to have a family, but I’m running my timeline on my own terms.

    July 16, 2013 at 5:58 pm #38782
    Alisha M.
    Participant

    Hi Jade! Thank you and what you said is absolutely true. It just can be hard sometimes but you are right.

    July 17, 2013 at 6:48 pm #38832
    David Goettsch
    Participant

    I agree completely with the advice given! The relationship you want needs to be organic, so worry about not having it is going to give off the wrong vibes and will probably stop any chemistry that might come along! I believe in just having faith as well, but don’t leave it at that. A relationship isn’t just going to come to your door and knock, you need to be out and about. Get active, get involved in activities and hobbies and meet new people. I’m not saying go out looking for dates, but just get more socially involved and you will be amazed how many more opportunities you have! We have such unrealistic expectations of relationships that we often forget that it is an active effort on our part. Sitting around and moping is a surefire way to make sure you don’t meet someone! So go out, live a little and most importantly, have fun. If you are truly just being yourself and are having a blast with other people, a guy is going to pick up on that energy and the chemistry will eventually click!

    Dave
    http://personal-growth-project.com

    July 18, 2013 at 7:08 am #38845
    Alisha M.
    Participant

    Thank you, David!!

    July 22, 2013 at 2:29 pm #39061
    Heather
    Participant

    Hi Alisha,

    Oh My Gosh! I understand you completely. I just got out of a HORRIBLE relationship – I knew something was wrong in the relationship, but I didn’t know exactly what it was until it was all over. I stayed in the relationship just because I wanted a boyfriend?! DUH!

    With all that being said, He wasn’t the right one for me, we didn’t work out – it wasn’t anything that I did wrong, we were just wrong for each other. If you want to be in love and get married etc, and you put those good vibes out there then you will find that one that you are meant to be with, the one that understands you 100 percent- the one that doesn’t want you to change, the one that wants you to be you, because he loves you and wants you to be you! And, vice versa. Remembering that is helping me get over my ex. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t me – it was us as a WE (whoa, that rhymed)!

    I myself am worried about finding my next love – will I find him, will I find the one — etc. I just need to remember that all that I have to do is be me and then everything else will fall into place. And, I think the same goes for you. As my friend says – we are Luxury Editions – and we are one of a kind, but we will all find that other piece if we really want to.

    I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone 🙂

    July 24, 2013 at 9:56 am #39130
    Alisha M.
    Participant

    Awww, thank you, Heather! It always feels good to know that! 😉

    September 2, 2018 at 12:08 pm #224093
    Jaanu
    Participant

    Hi Alisha,

    Its been 5yrs for this thread and hope you have got ur love of ur life by now.. just curious on this.. any updates on this thread?

    Thanks,

    Jaanu

     

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