Papaya, I know what that feels like when people behave in passive aggressive ways for seemingly no reason! I’ve scratched my head for answers on many occasions. Here’s what I’ve learned.

You’re NOT making it all up in your mind; when people feel dissatisfied about themselves, they tend to “act out” and vent to avoid confronting their “negative” emotions like anger, fear, frustration and jealousy. The hairstylist who didn’t treat you kindly could’ve been suffering from a bad day, fatigue or an upsetting situation at home. People can also become irritated when they see you radiate or have something that they wish they had because it reminds them of how inadequate they feel. These reasons may be valid, but it certainly doesn’t excuse rude behavior (see below). I agree though that applying the Four Agreements is a good idea—it’s best to not take others’ behavior personally.

On the other hand, Papaya, you mention that you don’t want to take others’ behavior personally, but you can’t help it. You said you feel like a target. I’ve also felt that way. When I questioned it, I discovered that deep down I feared not being able to stand up for myself, that I was too weak to say no. This stemmed from my low self-esteem, resulting in people-pleasing. It’s a tough habit to break, but can be done. In the case of the hairstylist, establish boundaries by saying, for example, “I don’t appreciate it when you push my head like that. Could you please be gentler?” At the coffee shop, inform the employee when they mess up your order. If they keep making errors, speak with the manager or find another coffee shop. Try grounding yourself at work.

The fact that you’re willing to “breathe in all the pain of those suffering… and exhale compassion to all” shows that you’re sensitive and compassionate, Papaya. You’re also open to learning from these experiences, without overanalyzing. I wouldn’t be surprised if people envied your light. 😉 Go, you!