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Bad beginning, better ending?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • February 14, 2014 at 1:38 pm #51015
    BellyButton
    Participant

    I am in a new relationship. Things started off a little shaky with us due to him being unsure about wanting to have a serious relationship with me. It hurt my feelings and I told him I would not be able to continue anything with him. We didn’t speak for about a month. We ran into each other and started dating again. After that things got serious between us.

    To this day it still bothers me how he seemed to not want to be with me. I never got a clear answer as to why he changed his mind. I wish I could stop worrying about this issue we had because it makes me feel really bad about myself.

    It has been 3 months and things seem to be promising but I have that memory in the back of my head of how he acted in the beginning. How can I come to peace with this? It is messing with my confidence and makes me have my guard up around him.

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by BellyButton.
    February 15, 2014 at 3:56 am #51047
    Lilbuddha
    Participant

    You need to change the dialog in your mind that says his beginning rule had something to do with you – and only you- in the first place. Maybe he didn’t think himself capable of handling a serious relationship, or didn’t want to fall in love with anyone at that time? Maybe he is naturally a sensitive guy and used the rule as a way of scaring any chance for love away, because HE didn’t want to get hurt? Maybe it wasn’t the right time for either of you, and destiny stepped-in? Then, a while later, when his guard was down and the timing was right – you came along again and knocked his socks off. :0). Maybe he was impressed by your previously displayed confidence and refusal to accept less than what you felt you deserved in a relationship?

    There’s all kinds of maybes out there that have nothing to do with “I must’ve sucked before” (pardon the bluntness). The point is, you have charmed him now., so you must be pretty terrific to have knocked his wall down. That’s something you should give yourself credit for, not beat yourself up over! :0)

    Sometimes we just need to change our perceptions of ourselves and others. I imagine whatever his I initial motive was for creating rules, it had little to do with you. Go easy on yourself. :0)

    February 17, 2014 at 7:15 am #51172
    BellyButton
    Participant

    Wow, thank you! You are right, my perspective is probably off. When I am around him I can tell that this is something significant for both of us. Reading your answer definitely gave me a little relief because I have been holding these thoughts in the back of my head for a while. It’s unhealthy self-talk like this that can make things go sour. I need to hit pause more and look at the “bigger picture.”

    March 30, 2014 at 1:26 am #53787
    Cameron
    Participant

    Hi BellyButton

    I experienced a very similar situation as you. Can I please know what is happening between you and this man now coz I had an unfortunate outcome and was very upset about it. Thank you.

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