The ONLY way to resolve this fully is by overcoming and transcending the meaning you’ve created around friends, being alone, what people think of you etc. This will likely take a fair deal of time to work through completely. I recommend going through this with a professional such as a coach who has experience with helping people to shift their mindsets and mental stances.

Effectively there will be a series of beliefs in your mind, such as “I NEED people to love / respect me”, “Being alone would be absolutely TERRIBLE”, “It would be AWFUL if people thought badly of me”, and so on and on, and none of these beliefs are serving you. From a cognitive behavioural therapy standpoint you are “musterbating” – turning what would healthily just be desires, such as love / approval, into MUSTS that you MUST have. Unfortunately this is a recipe for the kind of anxiety you are experiencing.

I recommend seeking out and employing as many strategies as you can – CBT, mindfulness meditation, general semantics, philosophies from individuals such as Noah Elkrief and Eckhart Tolle have all helped me. It will take an enormous desire on your part to change and a willingness to shift your perspectives – that means no longer thinking the same way you used to. “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein.

If you are willing to do that, commit to it and keep persevering, then in a few weeks, months or years you will have broken through this completely. But enjoy the process of transformation and enjoy the journey, for the destination is a way off. Just focus on enjoying the self-change you will be undergoing. As I say employing a good life coach to work with you will mean this likely gets worked through much faster and the support will be very encouraging.

As for in the short term, right now look into mindfulness meditation and I recommend becoming highly present when the nightmarish thinking appears. You’ll know more about what that means once you’ve started meditating.

You don’t have to believe or do anything I say here but I would personally highly recommend it for what you are experiencing. The key to this isn’t in your nightmarish scenario, it’s in what’s behind it, which is this: “I have really bad anxiety.. i always worry im doing something wrong either with friends, relationships, family, or work and people are just going to walk out of my life.” That’s your problem. Only by becoming comfortable with the idea of being alone, by realizing you don’t NEED people to stay in your life and by going from a people-pleaser to a creative force in the world will you really start enjoying life on another level. Of course, the nightmare scenario you keep envisaging CAN be worked on in the short term but there’s a lot behind it which I would also explore and seek to work on.

By the way, you have noted it’s irrational. You do not become some weird svengali puppet in your sleep and start doing crazy things. But you know that . This isn’t ABOUT that. This is about what I’ve talked about above. Good luck over the days, weeks, months and years ahead. Remember to ENJOY THE JOURNEY and not just the destination because the destination is a way off! All best with this.

BTW I would strongly recommend starting with the book or audiobook from Dr. Claire Weekes called Hope and help for your nerves as a source to get you body and mind off high alert so the personal dumpster dive can begin.