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At the same cross roads 10 year in the Making…Need to pick a path Advice?

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  • January 18, 2015 at 3:11 am #71515
    Maggie Black
    Participant

    WOW!
    I love your candor. This has got to hurt…
    SO many questions and all of them good. Good that you are thinking of them NOW.

    Let me ask you just one question:

    How would it feel to you right now, if your GF were to come to you and say that she is having second thoughts about your relationship and she needs some time alone to figure it out?

    Immediate feeling is probably your TRUE answer to all of these questions.

    We are not meant to SETTLE with a wonderful person no matter how great a “catch” they are. It’s not a great catch, if you aren’t mind- blowingly in love.

    You will always wonder what you missed out on if you don’t take time now to see.
    You might even feel smothered and feel contempt for her.

    Another thing I hear that I want you to look at is how you are taking responsibility for her feelings. It is good to want to make another person happy and do right by them. But for you to worry that you have taken up her time and used up her “good” biological clock days is not your problem and I will tell you why.
    She has chosen to BE with you these last 10 years.
    We make choices and then we have to live with them.
    And live with them we shall!

    SO if you aren’t 100% sure you want to spend your life with her, don’t marry yet.
    I wish you could show her this post and let her see how you feel and let her have some input in this.
    If a man felt this way about me, I wouldn’t want to marry him.
    It is hard for me to think she doesn’t know, though because women as so attuned to this in their men.
    If she knows and doesn’t care then something is wrong.

    I wish you well.

    January 18, 2015 at 5:39 am #71523
    Sunfl0wer
    Participant

    I was thinking the same thing. I wonder if you have shared with your GF all of your feelings or think it would be helpful to do so? If you have, what is her thoughts?

    January 18, 2015 at 2:19 pm #71541
    Jodi
    Participant

    If after 10 years, you are still having doubts, the act of getting married will not relieve them. I agree with the previous two posters that sharing your feeling with your GF would be a great start. It does seems as if you love and care for your GF but not in the way you would love and care for a spouse. From that genuine place of love, could you consider letting her go so that she can find someone who does love her enough to want to marry and build a life with her?

    January 18, 2015 at 4:29 pm #71550
    Peace
    Participant

    “When I think about committing to her, I tend to focus more on our differences; what i’m giving up vs. what i’m gaining. People have said to me the grass is always greener on the otherside, and I understand that yet it still doesn’t help me understand my feelings.”

    The grass is greener where it’s watered and given care. Given care to. You do give up some of yourself as being a priority when you commit to someone and you gain things you can’t give to yourself. But if you aren’t ready to give care to another you aren’t ready to get married. It won’t be perfect at first, but you at least have to want to try and do and to keep trying and doing. Think about it and at the same time do as the other responders have said and talk to her.

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