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At the 'BEGGING' stage

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  • September 20, 2016 at 9:38 am #115705
    Lisa Bulpin
    Participant

    I know I mustn’t and I shouldn’t but all I want to do is message him and beg for him back, beg for him to be with me. Tell him I’ll do anything if he’ll just be with me.

    I know I mustn’t, and I won’t.
    There is nothing I can say that will change things, even if he came back the outcome would end up being this.
    I tried so hard to make it work, I even cried, slow heartbreaking tears in front of him, tears I couldn’t contain. I never cry in front of anyone, I feel too vulnerable, but I did with him because I could be vulnerable.

    And now it’s all gone.
    I hate feeling like this, I hate the desperation I feel.
    I lie to myself and say “I just want to see if HE’S okay” but it has nothing to do with that. Hope still lingers in my heart like a roaring bonfire that won’t be put out.

    How long does this last?

    September 20, 2016 at 10:02 am #115708
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mommalicious:

    This is a way to shorten the duration of that feeling you hate, the desperation (“I hate the desperation I feel”- stop hating it.

    This is a very important principle that will save you a lot of time and pain: to not add a second unpleasant feeing to the first unpleasant feeling you have.

    When you feel desperate, that is bad enough, right? On top of it you feel hate. If you stop the second feeling, then overall there is less distress, less suffering.

    How do you stop hating the desperation? By focusing on self empathy in place of the hate. The desperation you feel for him is fueled by your emotional attachment to him. Emotional attachment is very natural and starts with a baby being emotionally attached to a parent. Have empathy for yourself, being attached to him as you are.

    anita

    September 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm #115954
    Richard
    Participant

    It’s brutal. In my situation I’m so clear that it’s chasing ghosts. Trying to get vaildation someone who I have grafted my early trauma onto, despite my wanting to leave the relationship because of the constant fighting.

    The truth is that the begging stage for me is me begging me to turn towards myself. To give myself the love that I am seeking from someone who can no longer or couldn’t give it. I sincerely wish you well. It’s very hard to go through this, because abandonment is not logical.

    Sending love.

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