Dear Kyniska,

If there’s anything that would hurt you or spoil the hard work you have been putting in to mend the hurt and pick yourself up, I would say, please avoid it. It becomes necessary to say no at times. And we still stick by caring about others, that friends will feel bad if you don’t go, you can always explain them and if they are your true friends, they will understand!

Just don’t get into anything that is not pleasant and would shake your strength for now, as you’re still on the path of recovery.

Stay Blessed…

Sending lots of strength and positivity your way…

I would like to offer another point of view. It sounds like part of you wants to go because you’re looking forward to the possibility of having fun, being surrounded by people who care about you (example: your two best friends), and maybe even meeting new people. It’s great that you’ve worked hard on yourself and made progress in the self-love department.

You say you’re afraid to go because “I think he’ll be there with a new girlfriend, and he’ll still see me as that awful, cringing stereotype of a crazy ex-girlfriend.” Deep down, you know that’s not who you are. The fact that you can recognize the behavior you exhibited is not acceptable to you speaks a lot about the type of person you are. You aren’t “a crazy ex-girlfriend.” You’re a human-being who makes mistakes and learns and grows from them. I truly believe you’ve learned and grown from the experience.

In my opinion, if fear is holding you back from going to a party that you really want to go to, I say go. Enjoy yourself, be polite, be respectful, and don’t worry about what he thinks. What matters is what you think of yourself and all of the hard work you’ve done to heal and become a great, enlightened person!

Kyniska,
First I need to correct something you said. You characterized yourself as weak and pathetic. You were NOT weak and pathetic, you were in serious pain because of deep betrayal. You acted in the only way that your mind could let you in all of the situations that came after the betrayal. You are still saying derogatory things about how you behaved. Yes they are embarrassing, but they are normal and completely acceptable responses. For this reason, I would recommend not going to the party. Once you can forgive yourself for what you seem to think was “bad” behavior, you will be able to interact with this person again without shame or discomfort. You have a ways to go in healing, take as much time as you need. You don’t have to prove you are over him, or strong, or not “a crazy ex”. That’s not your job. Your job is to learn from this, make adjustments to not let it happen again, and move on to someone who values you. Good luck!

Delighted to hear that 😀 Another “giant leap for mankind” 😀