Home→Forums→Relationships→Ashamed of my envy
- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by
Jessa.
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February 10, 2014 at 10:59 pm #50742
MarkParticipantHi Jessa,
First of all I invite you to give yourself some compassion. I see a lot of self awareness and a LOT of self judgment.You crave to be liked in return. I see that as natural.
My guess there is a part of you that really needs people in your life that you feel close with. You see this closeness between these two friends that you would want in your life. I can understand that having someone who I can hang with, who gets me, who I can trust, who I can fun with and share everything would fulfill a need of connection.
Perhaps you can first move your focus away from them to yourself. Do you sit? Meditate? That is a practice that helps be friends with yourself. That practice helps to be ok with your inner turmoil. That practice enables you get some insights from what is really going on with yourself.
Your envy reveals that you are missing that connection within yourself. There also no reason why you cannot co-create such closeness with others as well.
Let me know how that resonates with you.
Metta,
MarkFebruary 11, 2014 at 2:00 am #50750
AnyoneParticipantHi Jessa,
The word here is ‘insecurity’. Let me just share that I have lost a great deal of self-respect and dignity because of insecurity. I was manipulated in two relationships, for the simple reason being I was insecure about myslef. I want you to be aware that people don’t take long to take undue advantage of our insecurities.
Now, when I look back, I regret that had I been head strong; it wouldn’t have happened with me. Nowadays, when I’m trying to be on my own and strong by myself, I’m feeling much better, and seriously, I don’t feel the ‘need’ of having someone in my life; which always existed otherwise.
And in my opinion; this other girl looks somewhat aware of your insecurities and hence is mentioning about her and the guy. Don’t get bogged down by it.
Ask yourself – ‘Are you not worthy enough that you need this guy to like you as much as he likes the other girl?’ ‘Why would you want that?’ ‘Are you so weak like that?’ You are probably low on self-esteem.
Get REAL:
R – Realise the reality
E – Enagage in postitive thinking
A – Accept the fact that you’re not perfect. Don’t compare yourself to others.
L – Love yourself unconditionallyYour sense of self-worth should remain unchanged irrespective of if you have a gf/bf or not!
Hope it helps and makes sense!:-)
February 11, 2014 at 5:05 pm #50804
JessaParticipantDear Mark & Anyone,
Thank you for your kindness and insight. Insecurity and self-judgement are definitely two of my more dedicated demons; they seem to love my company.
Mark, your normalizing was very compassionate and helped me lessen that sting of self-judgement. Thank you for reminding me that there’s a natural need underlying this. I used to do metta meditation, but fell out of practice a few months ago during an especially low and self-loathing period. Time to start doing that for myself again.
Anyone, thanks for the reality check. I’m wary of being taken advantage of, and definitely don’t want that to happen. I know I am worthy without his approval or liking, and I’m certainly not weak (sensitive, maybe, but not weak). As for WHY I want it so badly, I’ll have to explore that some more. Maybe I’ll find some direction in answering that question.
Peace,
Jessa -
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