fbpx
Menu

Are these remotely good signs of him wanting to be back together?

Home→Forums→Relationships→Are these remotely good signs of him wanting to be back together?

New Reply
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • October 3, 2021 at 8:54 pm #387016
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear darkmatter:

    I will be able to read and reply to you in about 11 hours from now.

    anita

    October 3, 2021 at 8:59 pm #387017
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you! We’ve had a few hour-long phone calls since the breakup, where it’ll be nice to talk, but one of us becomes teary. He always says at the end of the phone call that it was nice to hear my voice. It has been confusing too; because in one of our long phone calls where I was quite upset and angry, he almost accused me of being stalkerish as I mentioned someone from his fb friends. Then the next day he went out of his way to look at an Instagram story of mine (we unfollowed each other after the break up). Very confusing. To summarise though, I did ask him a few months ago whether he was interested at trying at the relationship and he said no.

    October 4, 2021 at 10:51 am #387055
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear darkmatter:

    I read your two posts. You asked: “are these remotely good signs of him wanting to be back together?“-

    – My answer: No: you asked him a few months ago if he wanted to be back together, and he said: No (“I did ask him a few months ago whether he was interested at trying at the relationship and he said no“), and he didn’t ask you to be back together since he said No.

    He did tell you you that “he doesn’t want to mess with (you)“, but seems to me that he has been messing with you by giving you contradictory messages,  talking from both sides of his mouth. One example: “He responded, apologized for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing“-

    -on one hand he tells you that he likes you and cares about you, and on the other hand, (1) he does not respond to you for a long time, and (2) he tells you that not talking with you is the right thing.

    Notice: he says that he likes you and cares about you, but..- his “but” is his transition from one side of his mouth to the other, his transition from one message to a contradictory message.

    I am under the impression that you are hopeful to get back with him.. are you?

    anita

    October 13, 2021 at 9:55 pm #387338
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you. I think a part of me does want to get back together yes, but also a part of me doesn’t. He texted me this the other day saying that he understands I won’t find this satisfying, that he does feel horrible about what happened. That I didn’t deserve it and my pure-heartedness makes him feel more guilty. That he wronged me and I didn’t deserve it. Nor does he expect me to forgive him. Then he went onto say a few other things which he believes I may have misrepresented him and that the bad intentions I thought he had, aren’t exactly true. He continued.. I appreciate however this has probably been my way of expressing my hurt. He hopes I’m in a better place, that I’m very special and deserve all the happiness in the world. I haven’t responded and I don’t think I need to, correct? Also I think indefinite NC would allow him to see what he wants, whether that’s me or not, correct?

    October 14, 2021 at 6:31 am #387341
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear darkmatter:

    You are welcome. Texting you that he feels horrible about what happened, that he wronged you, that you don’t deserve it, that he feels guilty, that he doesn’t expect you to forgive him, that you have a pure heart, that you are very special and that you deserve all the happiness in the world- he texted you all these things so that you will feel better about him and the breakup.  Maybe he means some or all of these things, and maybe he doesn’t. People who initiate a breakup and want to be left alone by the one they break up with say things that are likely to make it happen (to be left alone).

    “I haven’t responded and I don’t think I need to, correct? Also I think indefinite NC would allow him to see what he wants, whether that’s me or not, correct?“-

    -I think that he is not interested in getting back together, and that he wants you and him to move on in separate directions. You can respond to his text saying that you understand that in his mind the relationship is over for good, and then ask him if you understand correctly, telling him that you want the truth (a Yes, you understand correctly, or: No, you don’t understand correctly), so that you can move on if it is a Yes.

    Tell him you want a Yes or a No without all the flowery language (‘you have a pure heart..  you deserve all the happiness in the world, you are very special, etc.) to soften the truth, if it is a Yes.

    And then, if it is a Yes, accept it, let it sink in your mind, come to peace with it and move on and away from him.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.