Big Blue,

Do you not have a break pedal? Its all or nothing? Can you take a taste, share a dance, and see where it goes? It seems that as your heart gets intrigued, your mind starts running in all sorts of “what if” fantasies. Can you set that aside? That’s where the freedom rests… not in avoiding or grasping at her. If you go on a date, be there. If you’re not on a date, be where you are, do your do, set down the future possibilities and tend your life, be present, clean the dishes, carry the water, chop the wood.

BB, it seems like you’re scared of your feelings, which is normal because they can be painful sometimes. If you both share interests, go enjoy some together if she’s interested. You can’t predict the outcome, and trying to dream up other people’s responses is a waste, and trying comes from fear. They’re not us, don’t act like us, so if we want to know their side, we have to talk to them about it. Said differently, how many conversations have you had with her in your head? Is it surprising that her responses sound like your own fears?

With warmth,
Matt

China is overrated, give me a wooden bowl any day? Or, smash it up, make a mosaic from the pieces? 🙂 Both seem fitting. Warmth to you, friend.

@BigBlue..I have asked myself the same question many times. I too was involved in a relationship with someone much younger than myself, and honestly it was never an issue aside from providing some awkward moments for sales associates referring to me as my girlfriend’s father..the age difference was never an issue, at least so i thought. She recently ended the relationship of three years simply by texting her feelings had changed…I know since we both work at the same business it will be extremely difficult for me to see her, the first time we ran into each other she didn’t say hello, even though we were the only two in the hallway. To have shared every thought, every hope and dream of the future with someone and then have them pass you in the hall without even a hello is more than difficult-I know I will have to leave. But to sort of answer your question and the eternal question is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all, right now I would have to say I would rather never have loved as I loved her-while I wouldn’t know what life really could be, I also wouldn’t know how painful it can be, how it feels to lose everything and have your heart ripped from your chest. it’s really kind of funny, many of my past relationships have said I had a heart of stone, but it was really just armour built up over the years of seeing the true horrors of the world, what mankind is capable of doing to each other, of how man can behave, and on a personal level, how love can fail. So when I allowed that armour to be torn away and exposed my heart, I felt things I had never felt before…I allowed my heart to imagine a life with this woman, a future together….and now, after opening my heart, my heart is now empty, I have nothing left to give. I don’t want another relationship, even if she were to somehow change her mind.

I think I might need to print out Matt’s response and read it every day 🙂

I am exhausted wondering about one person in my life and whether or not it’s something or nothing and is it going somewhere or never going anywhere. The good thing is that the exhaustion is starting to overthrow the fear and desire to control and it’s becoming easier to let go. Also the pain caused by the situation kind of drives me to be more present in my own life, as it’s much more pleasurable than wondering about the “what ifs”.

The most difficult aspect has been the idea of “do I reserve a place for them next to me, and if so, for how long?” But I suppose life is dynamic and if someone else swoops in and I like them enough, then why wait for something that might never happen? I have made my own feelings clear, so there ought to be no regrets. Why hold onto something and prevent progress and the possibility of dreams coming true in a way that I can not see right now?

…and sorry. I realise that wasn’t helpful 🙂 I was just…erm…ruminating!

I didn’t 🙂 I even left out the facts about three years and me occasionally telling him to keep his distance 🙂

Anyway, something that I’ve wondered during the past couple of days was that sometimes you end up holding onto something, whilst dreaming about a specific type of future. Then something happens and you have to let go, it hurts a lot, but then somehow things turn out in a way where your dream actually comes true. Just not the way you expected it would.

So I’m thinking that I’m holding onto this one person because I think that they are the person I’ve waited for my entire life, and I’m too scared to let go, because I don’t want to lose them. But what if I’m blocking something else happening because of my tunnel vision? Or, what if he is “The One”, but me holding onto him is making things difficult and if I were to let go, things might be able to progress more naturally and we even might end up together?

I have this one book titled (roughly translated into English) “you get what you let go of”. What if that’s true? What if holding on is only making it more difficult for the right thing to happen?

Look at you, beaming 🙂