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Any Insight/Advice Appreciated

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  • January 25, 2016 at 10:39 am #93619
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear limbikanimaria:

    You asked if that would be a deal breaker for some people: sure it would, for some people. For some people anything at all can be a deal breaker. So it would be up to you, of course, to break or not to break the deal

    But what is the deal? Is the deal: be 100% honest at all times and watch out- be careful… think, think before you speak and after you speak… stop, was everything you said accurate? This would be a nightmarish deal.

    Or is the deal about love, to love and be loved as imperfect as the two of you are?

    is the … deal about making sure there are no lies or is it about making sure there is love there?

    anita

    January 25, 2016 at 12:20 pm #93628
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * I want to add to my input above that I understand your sensitivity about honesty in a relationship and I very much care for honesty in a relationship and in every interaction I have, including in here, right now. I wouldn’t accept dishonesty as an imperfection that I should live with. On the other hand, perfect honesty is impossible as perfect anything is impossible to execute. If I was you I would loosen a bit my definition of honesty in the relationship with your boyfriend, discuss and come to an agreement about what honesty means. There is no way either one of you can be honest all the time, perfectly because often we don’t know what is going on ourselves, we need time to understand… so you too cannot be perfectly honest all the time about all things. Discuss, define and come up with a definition that is doable and that works for both of you.

    anita

    January 25, 2016 at 12:49 pm #93641
    limbikanimaria
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, that is very helpful. It concerns me that if he did in fact lie about this, that he might lie about more important things in the future. I want to trust that he is being truthful that it was an honest mistake, but a part of me feels like he lied to tell me what I wanted to hear in that situation. Thank you for your insight that there is no such thing as perfect honesty in a relationship…I might be unrealistic thinking that it is possible.

    January 25, 2016 at 5:03 pm #93683
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    Forgive him for what? He probably blurted something out without giving it much thought. What a silly thing to be overreacting about to the point of thinking of a breaking up. I think you need to be realistic and set some healthy boundaries for your relationship.

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