Hi,

I often resort to Tiny Buddha for dealing with my problems, and every time I have found extremely helpful advice from all you wonderful people. This time too the story is no different. I don’t know if there is a solution to this problem at all, and perhaps, eventually I would have to figure a way out myself. However, I still want to share it here.

I am extremely close to my mother. I belong to a typical Indian middle class household where parents and children live together. Though I really enjoyed grad school where I had to stay away from home and became fully independent and lived to the fullest, there’s something about family that is absolutely irreplaceable. So, my mother has been going through some tough times, and considering how close I am to her, it affects me insanely. Last year, in March, my mother had a severe attack of pancreatitis and was hospitalised for over a week. She took a long leave from work and got back her health and got back to work again. In November she faced some gynaecological issues and had to undergo a biopsy, though there was nothing serious and she was fine (Thank God!). We were pretty relieved and thought that she was slowly regaining her health and would be fine. My Dad followed up with doctors and got second, and even third opinions on my mum’s health issues and everything was going fine. About two to three weeks ago, Mum started complaining of a nagging backache. I insisted on getting it checked as it might stem out of her pancreatitis problem. She refused, however. In the meantime, a friend of my parents’ who lives in the same building and was probably the strongest and healthiest man we knew was diagnosed with fourth stage brain cancer. His reports say that he has a 4% survival chance, which is shattering. He had a perfectly happy family. A caring wife, and two beautiful, intelligent, ambitious children (one in college and the other in school). Both my parents were extremely shocked and so were we. However, my mother was the most affected. She suddenly started fearing that her back ache might be something more serious than it apparently seemed. She was extremely worried. All her friends started telling her that she’s losing weight and looking sick. I tried counselling her and diverting her mind. My dad planned a trip on occasion of their wedding anniversary and we tried to get her busy with preparations for the same. Things seemed to be improving when suddenly this Monday, she had a second pancreatitis attack. She rushed to the hospital from office and I was home thankfully, and I reached there too and so did my dad. The doctor asked her to get a couple of tests done and she was admitted. Though this time, the attack was mild, but it’s still a cause of concern, because no reason for the attacks have been found. Her ultrasounds and scans don’t show anything abnormal.

She’s now back home and under medication and strict dietary restrictions. The doctors have asked her to get an endoscopy done in a month’s time, which is kind of freaking us out a little because that will involve another biopsy. I have been reading up extensively on her illness and trying to find out possible reasons. Mum was so affected by her friend’s cancer news that all the while her backache kept indicating at a possible pancreatitis attack, she kept thinking that it was probably cancer. Even after she was hospitalised for her second attack and had to get an MRI scan done, she was worried about the reports (which turned out quite normal, btw). Up until now, I was pretty confident that she would be fine and we would be able to prevent further such attacks with a change in lifestyle. Now, it seems that mum has stopped worrying too. But, now I can’t stop worrying because I constantly fear that she might be diagnosed with something serious. My maternal grandfather died of leukemia and one of my mum’s aunts (on her father’s side) recently died of breast cancer. It worries me no end because her genes obviously aren’t great. I know that we are all mortals. And in all likelihood, my mum will be fine. But. I cannot imagine my life without her. I am insanely worried about her health. I have to join this amazing new job I have from Monday, and I am not excited about it in the least. On the contrary, all that I keep doing all day long is research about my mum’s health conditions, try and find ways to keep her diseases at bay and think about the ways I can rule out the possibility of something as terrifying as cancer from her life. I can’t show my concern in front of her. I can’t sleep properly because this is all I keep thinking about ALL THE DAMN TIME. It’s driving mr nuts and I really don’t know how to deal with this!

Any help, any advice, any information would be extremely appreciated. Thanks a lot, in advance! 🙂