@Fritz said:
Thanks to both of you for sharing. I have also dealt with anxiety for many years-and i think that seeing your counsellor is a great step forward already. I have always wished that i could just let certain things slide, and be a relaxed and person who can just enjoy life. Exercise, music, and dancing (sometimes by myself 😉 really tends to help me when i’m feeling anxious or stressed, or disconnected. But I would say one of the most important things I have found helpful, is finding my passions in life-and just going after them.

Have you considered volunteering, or working for a cause that you feel really passionate about? Helping other people, or being a part of a group of people either working towards a goal, or just learning something new that you may be interested in? I know motivation can be a tricky thing to overcome with anxiety/depression-i completely understand. But I feel like recognizing my passions in life, has really helped me give focus to the outside world, i find that my anxiety tends to keep me in my own mind and space, , and has helped me to reconnect with other people. Start out small with something you feel comfortable with, and allow yourself to take your time and be patient with yourself. Thank you, to the commentor above, for talking about personal acceptance-it is truly so important.The books and blogs and such can be really great tools too, check out “The Tao of Pooh” byBen Hoff. But getting out there, and finding your passions, whatever they are will along the way help with the motivation.

All the best to you 🙂

Hi Fritz.
Thank you for writing back to my question…

I agree that finding a passion is very important.
I go back and forth between feeling like I’m an amazing musician (www.soundcloud.com/stefan-lay) to not wanting to pick up an instrument, because I’m too depressed and un-inspired. I struggle with this a lot, as I’m the kind of guy who wants feedback and when I put out music and don’t hear anything, I assume it means I haven’t got what it takes and should give up.

When I go to a gig and watch a band on stage, I can’t help thinking ‘I could never do that. My anxiety won’t allow it. I can’t lie to myself and force myself on stage. It would be a disaster’. Now, I know that I can use CBT to say I’m ‘fortune telling’ and what not, but it seems like such a real and truthful thought, that I question it no further.

What are your passions and how have you managed to fit them into your life. despite your anxiety?
I feel like I’m destined to enter another job that I’ll hate because of my fears and the state of the economy (and my money running out).
I’d love to be able to do something I’m passionate about, and make a living from it, but it feels like that just can’t happen – at least for now.
Because sometimes I’m so tired, I can’t find the strength to sing.
And I get depressive and hate on myself.
I could list a bunch of reasons…

I know it’s up to me, but most of the time I find that scary. I feel like I’m not prepared for adult life and looking after myself. And I’m so sick of being scared of everything. I also feel disadvantaged because of my mental health and physical problems. I feel like the music industry is competitive enough as it is, but with these problems to fight through … HOW WOULD I STAND A CHANCE!?!?

As for volunteering, last weekend me and my girlfriend walked some dogs at a re-homing shelter.
I was in an awful mood – terrible headache and anxiety – so it didn’t make me feel better about myself, but I’m going to do it again this weekend or next. I agree it’s a good idea to take the focus off ourselves and our problems.

Cheers

@spidey said:
Stefan,

You haven’t hit rock bottom. Have a shelter over your head? Have food in front of you? Have clothes? Have a bed? Mate, a lot of people in this world don’t even have anything like this. One thing I’d strongly suggest you doing (which btw I’ve started doing and I’ve been feeling eons better) is writing gratitude lists. Every day for the next week write a list of what you are thankful and grateful for. From the smallest things in life, to the simplest, to the most complex. I guarantee you that by doing this and reflecting on these lists you will begin to feel much better.

In terms of your anxiety, I can strongly say that it is possible to overcome it. Coming from someone who suffered stuttering over my early school years and developed anxiety when speaking up in front of people, I have managed to down-grade my anxiety to be very minimal now. I even catch myself in moments where I am fluent, and can introduce myself fully without a thought of doubt. This is tricky, but it requires a lot of discipline to overcome. And it starts off training your subconscious mind. It’s hard to understand and explain, but one of the bigger things I’ve did was just not think about it. When I would focus my mind on my anxiety, my fears, my stresses, my body would adapt accordingly and before I knew it, I would be in full anxiety mode, and it sucks. What I did, however, was that I acknowledged my anxiety attack happen one time, and I literally had an out of body experience where I looked down on myself in the scenario I was in, and realized my triggers. By doing so, I was able to catch that transition point between calm and tranquil, to heightened/alert/anxiety state. In that transition point, it is there where you need to harness your physiology and calm your body. But you can’t avoid scenarios that will trigger anxiety. To overcome it you need to expose yourself to these scenarios and try to adapt every time. It is scary, I know, I’ve been there, but it is possible.

Stefan, I literally made this account in response this thread because I want to help you to overcome this scenario. I couldn’t ignore reading your opening post knowing someone is going through this and here I am not acting to help out, especially being in this same scenario at one point.

I wish you all the best, and if you want to keep in touch message me, and I’d be more than happy to help you overcome this.

Cheers,

Brett.

Thank you so much for making an account just to reply to little old me…
You’re right that I haven’t hit rock bottom. I still have a lot I could lose.
But sometimes it feels like I down own the things in my life.
If it wasn’t for my Mum, I’d probably be homeless (I still live at home). I worry that I’m 25 next year and still feel tied down by all these mental health problems. I fear that I wouldn’t be able to stay in a job to support myself and pay the bills if I had my own home/rent.
So, although I haven’t really hit Rock bottom, it certainly feels like I have at times.
It feels like I’ve lost so many times, and I’ve tried so many things.
Albeit, at times I’ve jumped from idea to idea to frequently.

I did do the gratitude journal for a few weeks a year or two back.
It was one of Rhonda Byrne’s books (She wrote The Secret) that led me to this, but you hear about being grateful all the time…
It’s hard to be grateful when things build up and you feel like everything would be better without you, but yeah… I need to practice this again. I drove past someone with one leg, limping along with a crutches and that was a reminder.
Sometime’s I struggle to see enough reminders like that. Everyone out there in the World (when doing shopping and stuff) seems to be having a better time than me. But, at the same time, my anxiety is bad and things become a blur, so I’m not really noticing things in others. 1 in 10, or whatever it is, are probably feeling similarly to me. Or else, those 1 in 10 are shut away at home where I can’t see them.

Being mindful of your own thoughts and actions is sensible too.
I think having healthy distractions is a good idea.
Hence, in my old job – which was car insurance (dull) – I would struggle to NOT think of everything wrong with my life.
Because the present moment was uncomfortable and I couldn’t throw myself into it.

Thanks again for your reply.
I still have no idea what I’m doing. I left my job last week and have about £1700 in my bank.
I pay my Mum to live at home, buy food and run a car, etc.
That money will last 2-3 months if I hold back on spending.
I really want a part-time job away from too many people (retail) so I can have time to sort my mental health out.
After working full-time, I’d come home exhausted with no energy to do anything else, aside from maybe watch TV.

Stef

@kevinv said:
Also, i really want to point out that avoidance of anything is not going to help at all and is counterproductive. I’m still guilty of avoidance as i avoid talking to people i want to talk to. But everything else (my job,school etc…) i do it anyway. I feel the anxiety and do it anyway. Its the only way the desensitize from it. Quitting your job because of anxiety is avoidance. And i can understand if you need some breathing room now. But its something you should be mindful of never doing. If you quit a job because you hate it, thats fine but if its because of anxiety, thats avoidance and thats what contributes to the cycle.

Thank you for that reply Kevin.
I appreciate it a lot.
I’ve read Paul’s book a few times. I also had his App on my old phone.
And you’re right… there is no quick fix.

I think you will be able to understand when I explain something…

Because I took Accutane and that was the trigger of this (though I was shy and quiet as a child, I was not afraid/anxious) I have always gone back and forth between what the cause of all this is… Am I anxious because my body feels out of whack? Is there something physically wrong with my brain (like the hippo-campus) because I took Accutane? Have I just been stressing out far too long?
For years, I went back and forth with different ideas. There is no end. Yet, after juicing, going vegan, eating paleo, cutting dairy and most sugar… I was only getting worse.

So, I think I’ve finally realised food (and supplements) can’t save me from this, and a bit of junk food here and there won’t kill me (though too much sugar and stimulants is not a good idea right now – they make my anxiety worse).

I’ve always felt like I’ve NEEDED reassurance, externally. As in if someone could tell me ‘This is the right way to go about it’, maybe I could trust them. But instead, I read different ideas and become confused. I agree that running away from my job wasn’t ‘The answer’ and I knew it at the time, but I was so miserable and fed up of the job and my life that I just couldn’t find the willpower anymore. I’m in another predicament now, of course, but I’m hoping I can use this time off wisely. Although I trust Paul, I suffer a lot of doubt and because of the time this has gone on for, I fear the future will equal the past (bear in mind, I have times where I feel optimistic). I still get stuck on the idea of letting go and not needing to do anything, but I’m trying just to let that message sink in (hence why I read Paul’s book more than once).

But I do recognise that a lot of this comes down to mindset. Like, when I was reading Paul’s book for the first time, I felt a renewed sense of hope. As time went on, I was still feeling depressed and felt like my circumstances would stress me out despite trying to stay calm. I also tried to allow anything to happen (meaning I tried to be okay with not being okay) but always wound up dwelling on the past and how much I’d lost. I felt like I needed to change my job, or figure out my future (career). But, I guess I’m not in the best place to do that right now. I just crave peace so much. i just want to be content with waking up and facing the day, and it felt like the advice of ‘do nothing – accept’ was not enough. I think maybe it’s best paired up with a support group (or therapist/friends – which I lack) and positive thinking – like through this site and the Tiny Buddha books.

I wish I would learn from my mistakes and realise that I cannot expect to heal overnight. It’s like, when I have a couple of good days and feel awful the next for no logical reason – I let it get to me.

Thank you for reminding me of some things. I will carry on writing in my diary (I stopped for a while) to keep me mindful and I’ll find support on here and Paul’s blog. I see he’s bringing out a second book next year… No doubt I will buy it, haha.

Any advice for accepting dizziness and the powerful symptoms? When these occur, telling myself ‘Accept it… it’s just anxiety’ doesn’t seem to be enough.

Thanks again