Home→Forums→Tough Times→anxiety, health and being hurt
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December 11, 2022 at 11:55 am #411728
Anonymous
GuestDear Joanna:
You are welcome and thank you! I like reading your clear, organized posts. I will reply further later (I am nursing the cold, or it may be a light case of the flu). Good night, Joanna!
anita
December 11, 2022 at 12:42 pm #411733Joanna
ParticipantI like reading your clear, organized posts.
Thank you, I thought this works for me as I do not get lost. Nice to read you appreciate it.
Sending a lot of feel-better wishes, Anita 🙂
December 11, 2022 at 12:50 pm #411735Anonymous
GuestThank you, Joanna! I’ll be back to you in (my) Mon morning.
anita
December 12, 2022 at 6:19 am #411756Anonymous
GuestDear Joanna:
“The will to be the abusing and powerful is much stronger for them (both)“- the desire to be powerful, a craving, an emotional need.
“I know this story only because she told me this, no other source“- the stories they told us… fictional, when it comes to what they claim in regard to their motivations, to their reasons for doing or not doing this and that.
“I like that you mentioned the 3rd option, Anita. ‘Mutual Respect/ Shared Power‘ sounds good. I think I will be coming back to that thought in my mind“- and I will too, I will come back to this thought whenever I contemplate my interactions with people.
“I just remembered how she sometimes got text messages on her phone and she immediately looked at me with questioning, angry look, as if she wanted to ask ‘What again?’ (as if I sent it to bother her)“-they saw us as a nuisance at best (the inconvenience of having to keep us clean, clothed, etc.), as a villain at worst.
“We tell ourselves it’s not a big deal because otherwise it would break our hearts… or we get used to scary things and see them as normal, perhaps“- I know that my child-heart was broken. I remember how it felt, definitely broken. I think that we get as used to abuse as we can so to lower the overwhelm factor, so that our nervous system is the least damaged. An Ongoing Emotional Overwhelm (OEO) damages the nervous system, hence the early-life and onward combo of Tourette’s, OCD, Inattentive ADHD and learning difficulties, in my case.
* I was wondering, is there anyone in your genetically related family members who also exhibited tics?
“Thank you… I know it’s the thought that occurs, comes to my mind. Has nothing to do with me, and nothing to do with the other person“- you are welcome! Being able to make the distinction between what we think- feel is happening and what is really happening is a major factor in mental health!
anita
December 12, 2022 at 12:43 pm #411771Joanna
ParticipantAnita,
You mentioned a cold (or flu) yesterday. I wonder if you’re feeling any better.
“the stories they told us… fictional, when it comes to what they claim in regard to their motivations, to their reasons for doing or not doing this and that.
Yes, the stories.. Repeated many times, with the same exact words, in my mother’s case.
I know that my child-heart was broken. I remember how it felt, definitely broken. I think that we get as used to abuse as we can so to lower the overwhelm factor, so that our nervous system is the least damaged. An Ongoing Emotional Overwhelm (OEO) damages the nervous system, hence the early-life and onward combo of Tourette’s, OCD, Inattentive ADHD and learning difficulties, in my case.
I would add procrastination and memory problems (which led also to learning difficulties I think). Not sure about Tourette’s and Inattentive ADHD – I was never diagnosed.
* I was wondering, is there anyone in your genetically related family members who also exhibited tics?
No. I don’t think so. From my father’s side my cousin has some soothing anxiety behaviors like compulsive shopping, buying cosmetics, etc. My grandma was very superstitious (might be connected with anxiety as I read). From my mother’s side – her sister was abused by grandmother obviously, then she (my mother’s sister, my aunt) abused her husband, and now her daughter (my cousin) is abusing her father (forbidding him to speak to her in the morning, giving him permission to eat what she cooked, calling him “moron” etc. I feel sorry for my uncle). Aunt and her both daughters have compulsive shopping behaviors.
I see a lot of abusers in my family, especially on my mother’s side.
No one has ticks. Only me. How is that possible, I wonder. I spent enough time with all them already to know they do not have tics and never had.
Being able to make the distinction between what we think- feel is happening and what is really happening is a major factor in mental health!
I agree and always try to remember that, it helped me a lot in my life. When I feel stressed, somehow uncomfortable in my mind, my first thought is “wait… what could be that about..?” and try to remember what may have caused it. It’s so much easier when I can see and name my thoughts. Still it’s not perfect though, but it’s Ok.
December 12, 2022 at 12:55 pm #411772Anonymous
GuestDear Joanna:
I am glad you asked: I did badly last night, was up most of the time, uncomfortable, runny nose, perspiring.. but feeling much better after a hot bath and clean, dry clothes, very tired and it feels that it would be crazy for me to go outside.. so I won’t. I am lying in bed right now as I type this.
“Yes, the stories.. Repeated many times, with the same exact words, in my mother’s case” – and in the case of mine.
Coming to think about it, better that I rest for a while and continue in another post later (I am so very tired).
anita
December 12, 2022 at 1:22 pm #411774Joanna
ParticipantAnita,
Sounds like you really need to stay in bed for some time. They say recovering is better when getting some sleep, also during the day.
I hope you get some good, comfortable sleep!
December 12, 2022 at 3:46 pm #411777Anonymous
GuestDear Joanna:
“I see a lot of abusers in my family, especially on my mother’s side“- abuse begets abuse, it multiplies.
“No one has tics. Only me. How is that possible, I wonder“- people’s nervous systems/ bodies break in different ways, just like every glass that breaks, breaks differently, and the mess created by each broken glass is different from any other.
“I agree and always try to remember that… Still it’s not perfect though, but it’s Ok“- good job, if I may say so, and it cannot be done perfectly.
“I hope you get some good, comfortable sleep!“- thank you. I didn’t sleep, I don’t think but I rested since I posted to you earlier. I will let you know Tues morning how I slept. Good night, Joanna!
anita
December 13, 2022 at 2:35 am #411780Joanna
ParticipantAnita, just posting to let you know I am thinking of you 🙂
December 13, 2022 at 8:17 am #411784Anonymous
GuestThank you, Joanna, this is kind of you! I am still not well, still perspiring (took a hot bath this morning to feel better, but not feeling that much better), nose running. How are you?
anita
December 13, 2022 at 11:18 am #411804Joanna
ParticipantAnita,
Sad to hear you’re still fighting the flu and it’s not getting much better yet. Must be tiring.
I am good, thank you. Snow has arrived here too. It’s freezing, but coming to warm home is so satisfying.
people’s nervous systems/ bodies break in different ways, just like every glass that breaks, breaks differently, and the mess created by each broken glass is different from any other.
I never thought about it, I thought maybe I had the worst experience and therefore I have all those symptoms.
good job, if I may say so, and it cannot be done perfectly.
Thank you Anita.
Take care and get better!
December 13, 2022 at 11:33 am #411805Anonymous
GuestDear Joanna:
Thank you- I was hoping to tell you that I was feeling much better this Tues morning, but not yet and it is almost noon. Enjoy being in a warm home while watching the fresh snow through the windows!
“I thought maybe I had the worst experience and therefore I have all those symptoms“- I think that you did have one of the worst experience growing up with your mother, this is why I see so much commonality between the two of us. And because we were abused so similarly, we got broken in a multiple of places and in some of the same places (ex., tics).
With the imagery of a broken glass, what I mean is that some people, when they break, they develop psychosis, others develop tics, some proceed to get addicted to drugs (depending on the availability of drugs), etc. Good news is that we can do a lot of fixing of these broken places, best we can, one day at a time, patiently.
anita
December 14, 2022 at 10:54 am #411831Joanna
ParticipantAnita, How are you feeling today?
And because we were abused so similarly, we got broken in a multiple of places and in some of the same places
I am thinking a lot about this lately: similarities between us, how we both struggled, how we coped.
I like being here on this forum and appreciate your posts a lot.
December 14, 2022 at 11:26 am #411838Anonymous
GuestDear Joanna:
I am better than yesterday and hopefully not as good as tomorrow. I slept better: what a relief, I hate being awake at night! I woke up and got up at a reasonable hour (not too early), still perspiring aka sweating at times, but better. Since I abandoned my daily routine- except for posting here- in the last two days, I realize how important a daily routine is to my mental health, so I want to restore it all as soon as possible, maybe today (I can walk on the treadmill instead of walking outside).
“I am thinking a lot about this lately: similarities between us, how we both struggled, how we coped“- feel free to share your thoughts at any time, when you feel like it. We can take breaks from talking about particular things, then go back to them, and we can bring up new things.
“I like being here on this forum and appreciate your posts a lot“-I like being here too, and talking to you. I am feeling a smile on my face as I am typing this, which is only the 2nd smile in the last few days… it’s a good thing to smile spontaneously!
anita
December 14, 2022 at 12:31 pm #411839Joanna
ParticipantAnita, I was thinking the same: your daily routine has changed (and it was not your choice to make). It’s not nice, I guess.
And I am sure you miss your daily walks – even for me, reading about them gave me comfort! I hope you can soon return to this routine. Glad it’s getting better! 🙂
feel free to share your thoughts at any time, when you feel like it. We can take breaks from talking about particular things, then go back to them, and we can bring up new things.
Thank you. I like those ideas (taking a break, going back and bringing up new ones). I think I will share them soon.
I am feeling a smile on my face as I am typing this, which is only the 2nd smile in the last few days
Very nice message to brighten my tiring-and-not-routine-at-all day 🙂 (I work from home – which I love, and once in a while I need to work in the office – today was this day).
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