Dear joanna:

I don’t believe I ever asked you this: did you ever live outside your mother’s place; did you ever lived in your own or with roommates but away from your mother (other than those visits to your father), that is in a place to which she did not have access?

anita

Dear joanna:

I will ask in a different way: throughout your adult life, you never lived in a place where your mother didn’t live when she wanted to, that is, you never rented your own apartment to which she didn’t have a key to. You never rented a room in someone else’s house, to which she didn’t have a key to. You never lived in students’ housing, in a place with roommates, to which she didn’t have a key to?

In other words, wherever you lived, she had a key to the place, correct?

anita

Dear joanna:

Your mother tortured you your whole life, and she had boyfriends who bullied you. Weren’t you angry with her, aren’t you angry with her?

Was there and is there anger at you, anger at her?

Was there and is there a desire in you to be free of her, to not have her in your life, a strong motivation to be free of her?

anita

Dear joanna:

What is it that is keeping you there?

The world is so big, oceans and continents, mountains, many thousands of cities and towns and places-in-the-middle-of-nowhere. And  billions of people.

Why are you remaining in this one place, with this one woman and her boyfriend and that one person Tom.

Why not turn your back on these three people, and look in the direction of the rest of the world, find a place for yourself elsewhere, far away?

* Will be away from the computer for about fifteen hours or so. Would like to read your answer when I am back.

anita

Dear joanna:

You wrote above, “I moved 6 times in my life already”.

But you didn’t move a single time away from your mother, not a single time.

During the recent ten days that you didn’t post on the thread, I thought about you every day. It is clear to me this very morning, that at this point in time, there is absolutely nothing I can do for you, nothing I can do to help you.

It is clear to me that you need to move out and away from your mother. For as long as you remain under her abuse, under her influence, there is nothing I can do to help you.

A person has to remove themselves from an abusive situation, a lifetime abusive situation, before healing can start and continue.

I see no way for a person to engage in the healing process while living in a lifetime abusive situation.

You wrote earlier that it doesn’t make sense to spend money on rent, better own. I know this sound financial principle from a long time ago. But it makes way more sense to rent than it does to live in a rent- free lifetime abusive situation.

Therefore, for as long as you are living with your mother, exposed still to a lifetime of abuse, I will not respond further to your thread. If and when you have a specific plan to move and are acting on it, then I will be glad to communicate with you again.

It will not serve me well to … witness you suffering (“I am exhausted, this life is a torture for me”, your last words in the post above) when I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to help you.

It may help you to just vent, to share how torturous life is for you. But I am not here to watch you being tortured, I don’t want to do that, to watch a person being tortured.

You can post again on this thread, or start a new thread. Other members may reply to you (more likely perhaps on a new thread, because the two of us make up most of this thread). Please do so if it helps.

Your life is… your life indeed. You have the right to make your own choices. I do not feel angry at you (I point this out because you expressed such concern in the past). I am not motivated by anger at you. I am motivated by a desire to not watch a person suffer when I am unable to do a single thing to help.

Best wishes to you, joanna.

anita

You are welcome, joanna.

anita

Is that you, Joanna? I am thrilled to read from you after all this time. I will reply further in the morning (in about 12 hours from now). I hope to read more from you anytime!

anita

Dear Joanna:

I took some time reading your original post of Oct 15, 2017 (at age 31), and our most recent communication of April 2018. My goodness! In my last posts to you I was quite emotional. It was very difficult for me to endure reading about your tortured life with your mother, particularly because it reminded me of my tortured life with my mother. I didn’t have the emotional strength to keep reading about your life with her. In your yesterday post, more than 4 years and 7 months after your last post, you apologized, but you have nothing to apologize for: you didn’t wrong me and you were not disrespectful to me. I appreciate that you know though, that it was indeed hard for me to communicate with you at the time.

I think that I am stronger now, Joanna, and that I can read about your struggles again, no matter what your struggles are, including your struggles in regard to your mother. If it becomes too much for me, I will let you know and we can find a solution to it (maybe not talk about a particular topic). But for now: how is your diabetes, insomnia, other health problems? Any updates in regard to that guy Tom, your mother… ?

anita