PS: I stopped working recently to take care of my son full-time during Covid. Not sure I will ever go back to being a lawyer in that capacity as I think it might have been too much for my anxiety. I would love to volunteer in some capacity in the future, though. While working in a job that is a bit less stressful 🙂

Thank you, Anita! I don’t really have any more questions, but if you don’t mind, I’ll just expand a bit. Overall, my anxiety since I last wrote in the summer has been better. I am still debating the 2nd child issue, but now that my son is a little older, the fact that Trump is no longer president, and the fact that we are hopefully seeing some light at the end of the tunnel in terms of covid, makes the idea of a 2nd child a bit less scary. I still have anxieties about it, but no where near as panicky as I was last year.

Certain times of year and certain things seem to trigger my anxiety, I’m beginning to notice. One is the weather. I live outside of New York City, and winter and the start of Spring can be difficult for me, especially during a pandemic. The winter is cold and gloomy, and the spring is often rainy and gloomy. Until 3.5 years ago, I spent my whole life in Philadelphia, so I don’t really have close friends or family near me. I think I became a bit more anxious than I was pre-baby perhaps because of isolation on top of the fact that being responsible for a tiny human who can’t form sentences can be challenging.

Now add up the gloomy weather, the lack of close friends or family, and then any combination of 1) news of horribly upsetting national events and/or 2) drama involving my parents, and sometimes I just feel like we should pack up and leave the country. Or move somewhere rural where I have easier access to nature or the sea and I can clear my head more easily. But obviously this would not keep me or my son risk-free either, nor would it prevent me from being upset by world events, my parents, etc. This is why I was kind of taken aback by my therapist really encouraging me to pack my bags and “go on an adventure.” She told me it was my intuition telling me I need to move our family somewhere safer and that I need to listen to my intuition. But is it really my intuition, or is it my response to anxiety? Things like this sometimes make me feel more confused and conflicted coming out of therapy than I was before the session started!

PS: I actually live in a very safe suburb of NYC. So my therapist saying I need to move somewhere safer is in terms of national events and the “American culture of violence” (as she says), not local crime outside my door.

Hi Anita! Thank you so much, again, for sharing your wisdom. I have really cut down on news and media consumption in the past few months for exactly that reason. I need to work on mentally not being so upset by my parents for sure. It’s the main reason I started therapy.

A follow up question is, how do I know something is intuition or my anxiety? For example, if I feel nervous, is it my intuition telling me something bad will happen? Or is it my anxiety taking over?

Another follow up question is, how do I know therapy is working or if what my therapist’s advice is right for me? I agree with a lot of what my current therapist tells me, but find myself questioning other things she says (such as her advice for the above).

I still want to circle back with you in a few weeks regarding the 2nd child issue I had last year if that’s ok! I definitely haven’t forgotten 🙂 Thanks, Anita!

Thank you, Anita! Very much looking forward to your thoughts as always.

Hi Anita,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. They were incredibly enlightening as always. I never actually thought of questioning my therapist or asking her why she gives the advice she gives, as silly as that sounds. Next time she says something that I don’t necessarily think fits me, I will ask her why she suggests this. I also really appreciate your suggestion of abandoning the idea of intuition altogether. I hear so much about how people should be “intuitive” these days, and I’ve tried so hard to be so, but I think my anxiety is really what I’m feeling. I only ever seem to feel “intuitive” about fears afterall…..

My parents were good parents in the scheme of things. They gave me food, shelter, sent me to good schools, etc., but they are not at all emotionally supportive and can be very critical. For example, when I was struggling postpartum with my newborn son (in hindsight I believe I had postpartum depression/anxiety), my mom’s response was always that I should stop crying, get over it and count my blessings. Aside from this, there is an issue between my sister and my parents (basically my parents do not like my sister’s boyfriend for really stupid reasons and have made it known that he’s not welcome), and it looks like my sister might eventually become estranged from them. Even though it’s not my issue directly, it saddens me to see my family so dysfunctional and to see my parents so upset when I am visiting them over the issue (even though my parents are being the ridiculous ones). Why do I emotionally care so much about my parents when, logically, I know they are flawed and in many cases, very wrong? Oi vey!

I will post soon about the 2nd child issue. Just want to get my thoughts all together 🙂

Yes, I believe I do feel that way. My parents actually don’t put pressure on me to visit, though. I do generally like visiting them because, aside from the fact that they are my parents, almost all of my life-long friends live near them, and it gives me a change of scenery and a few more people around to help entertain my son. But sometimes the heaviness that surrounds them gets to me. I worry about their mental and physical health – my Dad has gotten himself so worked up about my sister’s boyfriend that he’s landed himself in the hospital a few times thinking he was having a heart attack. I still do yearn to live closer to them a lot of the time (and thus, move back closer to Philly), even though I know they are dysfunctional. But I also don’t want to spend my life wishing I were living somewhere else and always looking at job postings for my husband near there. I want to be happy living in the present and with my present circumstances, no matter what is happening with other family members or in the world, but I don’t exactly know how to get there…..