Hello Heartbrokengurl,

Is this the guy you were seeing in April?

I can understand why your anxiety is amped up after sharing something deeply personal and difficult for you.  You want reassurance, and he’s not giving you that, at least not at this point.  He might be processing things or he might be trying to find a way to tell you something he knows you don’t want to hear.  Given that he has been distant and not texting as much, not calling or messaging, I’d be prepared.  If it’s just torture for you to wait to heard from him, if you haven’t hear from him on the third or fourth day, I would reach out to him.  Be as unemotional as possible, and ask him where he is at with you and everything you told him.  You have a right to know, as much as he had a right to know your circumstances.

Please post any time.

Airene

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Airene.

Dear Heartbrokengurl:

Welcome back, good to read from you.

I am thinking, because of the persistence of your anxiety, the persistence of your worrying that a man will withdraw from you and how much of a torture it is for you (“This anxiety of mine is such torture”)-

why not assume this man will not call you, or that if he will call again, then he will not be interested in a relationship with him, or that if he will express an interest, that a relationship will be short and end soon enough.

This has been the reality of your dating life most often, hasn’t it? So why not adjust your expectations to what you already experienced?

It is often recommended to be positive, to have positive expectations. But it is not always a good idea. When a person is as persistently anxious as you are and have been for so long, better adjust to the reality of your anxiety and the reality that men have withdrawn from you before, repeatedly.

If it works out with this man, let it be a surprise. A very pleasant surprise.

anita