Dear Melissa,

I dunno about anti-depressants but i can say one thing for sure – you’ve been hurt and its painful to go through the consequences of being cheated on by a bloke you loved. However, he really isnt the same fellow anymore and he’s changed for the worse. Good riddance you saw this side now than years later after you married him. Who knows how bad it could have gotten? You arent a soft person for feeling bad when someone broke your heart and behaved like an asshole. Write him that letter and send it or scream at him if you need to. Throw an egg at his window or shame him in front of that woman. I know i am sounding dramatic but seriously, who does he think he is? Sometimes we all need closure rather than pills. Try not to be alone too much when you’re going through this phase – you will end up over-thinking and the negative emotions will get overwhelming. Keep friends nearby, do something physically challenging and cry all you need. See that Councillor. Trust me though, you deserve way better and thank God you dont have to put up with some sex and thrill-seeking liar anymore.

Regards,
Moon

Melissa,

I am sorry for your suffering.

Consider that all human beings begin life as amateur chefs. Hence, naturally, until we become well-seasoned, until we’ve tasted an adequate amount of flavors to distinguish those ingredients necessary to make our lives tasteful, we are certainly and undoubtedly going to initially struggle.

Indeed the experience you had was an unfortunate and somber one. However, you now know that this is one flavor that will not make it to your full course. On our journeys, we are all going to encounter our shares of distasteful things but we must recognize and wholly understand that it is these exact events which aid us in distinguishing the good flavors from the bad. Dwelling on the past is not incorrect, however, only if done so proactively to the benefit of our futures. No master (at their craft) dwell on past unfortunate events to hinder their advancement. Your life is too important to do such. In this one existence, don’t you believe you possess the right(s) to fully pursue your own definition of beautiful despite the adversities? As for your ex, please do your best to keep a compassionate heart and forgive him. He, too, is working on his own full course and making the necessary mistakes required to create his own masterpiece. It is indeed sad that other beings must be hurt for him to reach his goals however please recall that we are all raised in our own unique environments which may not always obtain all of the necessary elements to conceive compassionate and considerate human beings. The fault, therefore, cannot be fully blamed on him. Find closure in thanking him for the necessary lessons you’ve learned and wish for his well being for not just his but also your sake. Condoning him for his actions will only yield in added chaos to your already troubled soul. Instead, exercise the beautiful being you are and that your parents helped culture and pray for his well being.

My friend, there are many flavors and flavor combinations you’ve yet to taste. Find and release your desire to taste them all to burst so at the end you may be at peace and satisfied with the full course you’ve created.

I hope this helps and please forgive any grammatical errors.

Al

Dear Mellisa:

I assumed that a talk with the guy will give you answers and therefore reduce your obsessing or even eliminate those. But what you are saying is that you are thinking that talking with him will bring up more questions in your mind, more confusion and more obsessing(?). I didn’t thing of this option and it is completely possible, in which case I understand you not wanting to talk with him. It may not be a good idea at all, after all.

anita

Dear Melissa:

I am an expert on obsessive thinking, I should have something for you, some suggestion. Now that I understand (an evolving understanding of your situation through time, most recently, today I learn that obsessive thinking was a problem before your bf issue): I know the draw, the …mental itch to obsess, an itch one has to scratch, again and again. I know the force drawing you in. That force, that itch is in reality a CONNECTION of neurons in the brain, a connection, a pathway that if highlighted and photographed you could actually see it. This pathway in reality is activated by energy and chemicals. People who do not obsess do not have this particular pathway. In effect nobody has the particular pathway you have, it is like fingerprints, only instead of 10 we have thousands of pathways.

Now, some chemicals (psychiatric drugs), in the course of trial and error (try THIS, let’s start with this dosage), after two weeks or a month: how do you feel? Should we increase the dosage? Or try something else, etc. etc.) some chemical, drug may block the pathway for a while. Maybe longer. With a cost: side effects and all-hell-breaking-loose for many when you try to get off those drugs.

Another way is the do-not-scratch-the itch method. The pathway will weaken over time if you do not participate in re-activating it again and again. It is like a well worn pathway in the woods. Over time if you don’t walk on it, vegetation will grow there and cover the path your feet made (not completely gone but way less traveled). It takes some FAITH in resisting the chemical drive to walk the pathway (give in and walk the pathway, again). It takes understanding that you will be okay if you don’t walk it. Again and again you… force CALM to inhabit your experience. Again and again you disengage from the obsessing pathway and engage in paying attention and focusing on your breathing, on sight, touch, smell, etc. that is disengaging the obsessing pathway and engaging the here-and-now breathing, seeing, hearing, touching pathways.

The persistence required is great, over time; the commitment immense. This is how I successfully stopped OCD rituals. I still have the pathway, the itch when stressed (and that is when most vulnerable) but way less often.

anita