Also, my main problem right now is that boy. Even though that sounds dumb.

but it’s this feeling like sometimes I’ll miss him so much and want to be with him again and imagining him with other girls makes my stomach turn and I get sad, but I also get hopeful by telling myself if he’s meant to be for me, then he’ll come back in some fashion. I’ll have Him again.

but then there’s this other side that says, if we broke up who he’s with is none of my business and I can’t control that anymore, and I didn’t want to be with him while I was with him, and I’m just hurting him so I should leave him alone

and then another side of me says, if you truly love someone you wouldn’t have to work so hard to love them it should be so easy, and you should just be happy to be around them; but when I imagine Us having sex, it doesn’t turn me on anymore lool.

and then there’s another side of me that says, well it’s not up to me anymore he broke up with me for the last time so it’s not my choice anymore.

and when I feel the good feeling. I feel amazing. And when I feel the bad feeling, I feel how I’m feeling right now. Like shit.

we haven’t talked in almost four days. And not talking to him, does help. But I thought breaking up, would make me feel better. But it really doesn’t. At all. I don’t feel more free. I just feel confused and heart broken.

breaking up showed me I really do like him. But there’s just something that I can’t put my finger on. I also have this feeling if possession over him when I imagine him talking to anyone else I get a knot in my chest, I know we only just broke up so I’m still gonna he sad but, he’s all I think about when I’m not distracting myself. I just want someone to give me the answer.  I know I’m young, but I’m not gonna give up until I figure this out,

Dear Anita

My mom had a child with my step dad when she was alive; and no I don’t live with him I live with my biological father.

My step dad molested me when I was 10

Dear Anita

I haven’t told the full story to anyone. But here it goes.

My step dad was big. He had a large stomach. And me and my mom often joked around with him about it. But me hum and my mom had this thing where we would all always cuddle..

One time my mom was at work and I was comfortable enough to lay in bed with him and watch a movie. And he started to big spoon me.. I didn’t feel uncomfortable cause it was pretty normal for us. But my mom was always there….

Anyways he scooted closer and started to rub my belly.. And slowly got to my underwear. And started to touch me. In my head I was wondering if this was normal. I told myself it was. But something inside me tols me to get up. But i was so scared to. After a few seconds.. I said “I’m tired I’m going to bed. I was a little girl. Still with pigtails and carrying around stuffed animals.

I had been thinking about it all week. I knew something was off. So eventually, I worked it up to tell my mom. I told her exactly what happens and her response was, “are you sure lisa; because if so, we have to tell the police” that terrified me. So after that I told myself. No mom I’m sorry we were just cuddling. And she said okay love go to sleep..

And so I did. I always thought my mom had my best interest at heart. So I knew it wasn’t that big of a deal. Or maybe it wasn’t real. Or maybe it never even happend and if I asked him he would never remember. So really for the rest of my life until a year ago. I never ever thought about it.

Then one day. My dad opened up to me about being raped so young. And I told him about my earlier childhood memories. Which had been that. And he flipped out. He was so mad at my mom. But i told him there’s no point in being mad at the dead.

He only ever touched me once. Maybe my mom talked to him about it. But once I grew up i realized that either way. He should never have been cuddling with a little girl that age. There’s a lot of things in my life that I haven’t reslly dealt with. But my two main ones are having an abortion. And that.

My dad hates him. And wants him dead. And yes I do have to see and talk to him sometimes. And itd uncomfortable and awkward but normal. He even calls me beautiful all the time. But overall he acts normal. Like he doesn’t remember at all. Which is another reason why I felt like it was all in my head.

Lisa:(

Yes it stopped. And I know. I have some anger for my mom still.

I have to talk to him because I’m not sure if you read it, but my mom had a kid with him, my little brother. And I love him so much. I need to see him. He’s only 7 so if I want to contact him it has to go through my old step dad

He did confront him. He yelled at him to never talk to me or come near me one time when I was visiting my brothers soccer game.