Home→Forums→Relationships→ANITA IM LOOKING 4 U !!!!!!! (i love him but suddenly not in love continued)
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Anonymous.
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April 29, 2020 at 5:54 pm #352196
AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
You wrote: “I can’t be this stressed out any longer, I’m not eating or sleeping and my stomach is in knots”- it is clear that you are very stressed indeed. So first priority for you is to relax, this evening, tomorrow and every day, throughout the day.
Set a daily exercise routine for yourself: a 30 minute fast walk every day, and a second walk when you are especially stressed.
Download The Mountain Meditation and listen to it every day, you can listen to it once every morning, before going to bed and in between.
Research Mindful Exercises, there are magazines, workbooks, and online resources on the topic.
When especially stressed in a particular situation, take a time out- leave and be alone for a while, or take a walk.
Listen to relaxing music, take a hot shower or a bath when needing to relax.
– Don’t return to any relationship while you are so distressed; aim at not being in any relationship whatsoever.
(You addressed me by name, but I don’t think we communicated before, did we?)
anita
April 30, 2020 at 12:43 pm #352312
LisaParticipantoomg i never noticed you replied. i read your conversation with another girl the conversation was titles “i love him but suddenly i am not in love with him.” id never been on tiny buddah before but after reading the forum i ade an account right away to tallk to you and i was so happy to see youre still active. i know yore not jesus and you cant have the answer for everything, but i am so stressed, i have ths conflict in my mind between wanting to be wit h my boyfriend and just leaving it alone becaus every time i keep hurting him more and more an it adds more and more guilt and shame into our relatinship. i talk to him everyday but we are on a break, last night we talked all our problems out and i felt great but i woke up this morning not feeling like i dont love him, but that ive hurt him and im a piece of shit and why this had to go this way, weve always had amazing chemestry since the day we met, we were both o in lust it felt llike a dream, we talked last night and said well only communicate in the days and nights, and that was fine but when i woke up i still felt unmotivated and stressed, anita, im not sure those things you listed will help. and i know i cant be in any relationship while i am this stressed but my stress isbecause of ,y relationship, but i till want to be in it,
lisa/erykha
April 30, 2020 at 12:48 pm #352318LisaParticipantlast night while we were on the phone he told me that when we broke up he was in his moms head telling her that nobody loves him, i cant get that thought out of my head and it feels like so much fucking pressure and i feel so bad and i never wanted to do that to him i care about him so much and he cares about me more than anyone but im not sure what to do at thia point its too overwheling, last night after we talked i felt so fucking good, i wa lke the bas feeling is gone but when i woke up i didnt feel like i didnt love him just stress and pressure and no motivation
April 30, 2020 at 1:11 pm #352332AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
You wrote: “every time I keep hurting him more and more and it adds more guilt and shame into our relationship”-
I suggest that you make a list for me (1, 2, 3..), a list of what it is that you say to him, or do to him that hurts him. Take your time making this list. Please don’t type everything that comes to your mind; make your list clear and simple, so that it is easy for me to understand.
anita
April 30, 2020 at 1:14 pm #352334LisaParticipantim sorry, i do do that,
but there isnt a list the only thing ive done is tell him i want to break up and then the next day i change my mind and it keeps going back and forth and he says, if it wasnt me, then he wouldve stopped talking to me because its hurting him
April 30, 2020 at 1:30 pm #352338AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
So by “every time I keep hurting him more and more and it adds more guilt and shame into our relationship”, you mean that you hurt him by breaking up with him later changing your mind, going back and forth.
Tell me more about your guilt and shame, but write clearly, not a stream of consciousness (everything that comes to your mind). Slow down.
anita
April 30, 2020 at 1:51 pm #352342LisaParticipanti feel like he cares so much for me and would never breakup with me like i did to him. i think hell find a girl who is just as good as he is to me, to him. i love him t i feel i am such a bad girlfriend even though he claims im not.i feel my stomach knot when i imagine him crying to his mom because something that i did to him. hes a good boy, a good peson and a good boyfriend, i want to feel the same about myself, i know that over time id be able to forgive myself, but the problem is the sudden change happend in the first place
April 30, 2020 at 1:52 pm #352344LisaParticipantim sorry if i am all over the place i m extremeley stressed especially these past few weeks and alot of it is pent out insude so im trying to get it all out
April 30, 2020 at 1:53 pm #352346LisaParticipanti want this relationship anita but something is blocking me
April 30, 2020 at 1:53 pm #352348LisaParticipanti want this relationship anita but something is blocking me
April 30, 2020 at 2:16 pm #352350LisaParticipantdo you have an instagram or snapchat i could tlk to you on so could see you replies quicker
April 30, 2020 at 2:19 pm #352352AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
“but then I just felt this sudden loss of attraction to him.. the feelings fluctuate”- feelings naturally fluctuate. Feelings are like the weather: sometimes the sun is out, and at other times the sun is behind the clouds and the day is grey. Just like the weather changes, so do feelings.
When you feel that you don’t love him, say to yourself: that’s okay, the sun is behind the clouds (my love is hiding), it will come out later. I don’t feel attraction or love now, but I will feel it later.
A question for you: you put my name in big letters in the title of your thread because you liked something that I wrote on the other thread about the same issue (a woman losing her loving feelings for her boyfriend)- what did you like so much about what I wrote there?
anita
April 30, 2020 at 3:07 pm #352364LisaParticipantyes, when i loked up why was feeling the way i felt, all websites told me that i should break up with him, leave him alone, because itll just cause more hurt down the road and i do maybe belive thats true, he means the most to me but i hate the way i feel sometimes, i dont know if my feeling of sudden change is a norma type of flucuate, because he explained to me that thats never happend to him before. hes the guy for me and they dont fluchate sometimes now, its all the time every hour its a new emotion
April 30, 2020 at 3:45 pm #352366AnonymousGuestDear Lisa:
His feelings fluctuate too. No one (not a single person in the whole wide world) feels love for another person all the time. Sometimes a loving person feels no love. it is natural, and it is normal. You panicked because you expected something unnatural from yourself: to always feel love, to always feel attraction.
A loving relationship is not about the impossible: to always feel love and to always feel attraction. It is about appreciating your boyfriend/ partner, liking who he is, thinking that he is a good person, liking how he treats you.
When you panic about not feeling a certain way, you get fear in the mix, and fear is like a tornado that messes everything up, a chaos, confusion.
That’s why I suggested to you to relax: exercise daily, etc., to lower that fear. Add to it realistic expectations about feelings and love, and you will be okay.
anita
April 30, 2020 at 5:31 pm #352382LisaParticipantDear Anita.
Thank you this is the reply I was looking for. I am going to try and calm down. You’re right there is a lot of fear. Is there any way we could keep in contact?
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