Hi anita,

I don’t feel that this is a sign to act on this dream. We haven’t been in touch for many years, and even if we were, and even if there were no obstacles between us now, it still wouldn’t be right. I have been in touch with my ex (his brother) during these years, as friends, seeing each other once a year, and every time he made suggestions of getting back together. He once told me that while he was abroad, he realized how important I was to him. And to me, there is no going back, because the end of our relationship was a relief. He is still single. And his brother, he is in a committed relationship for the first time in many years and they look happy. I think there is a message for myself only, but don’t know what.
Yes, there is currently a gap in my life, but I have had so many experiences and was even rejected not long ago by another person. I had feelings for him but still I am glad it happened that way because I know he is not right for me. I had vivid dreams about him for a while until processing my experiences with him, then they stopped. Then I went to the mountain this weekend and had a brief meeting with a guy I could like. Then went to bed and had this strange dream.
The other surprise for me comes from the fact that, this person has a very impressive presence. Many people around him have respect for him, and many girls liked him. He is tall and attractive. But he does nothing to look like an authority, it is just his natural aura. And during all the years while I secretly had feelings for him, I was at the same time scared and respected by his judgement every time he asked me a question. Now after that dream I remembered that he actually looked for many ways to talk to me. I was more silent then, and when there were more people, he always asked, what was my opinion on this, what was my opinion on that. I have grown since then and learned to assert myself better and feel more confident. Looking back to these days I see situations in a different way and can even see that he somehow recognized me and my potential beneath the surface of silence and modesty. This is something that does not occur often even today as people just see my physical appearance and don’t even see my true self. So another part of my surprise is to discover that, all these years I have been respected by him, he actually felt respect for me too, which at least back then was a big deal…

I have the feeling that you are suggesting something I cannot quite get, or you are just giving me some directions. But it is interesting analogy, and you are right. I was young, and I thought there was something wrong with my sexuality. Also there was the social pressure, in the eyes of people we were “the perfect couple” and my girlfriends were betting that I would marry before them. So if he didn’t find anything wrong and in the eyes of people we were a couple, then it’s just me. I needed to have many experiences before learning to acknowledge my inner reality, and still learning. Please do not confuse this with conformism, I was just so unaware of myself back then. To me the human design system explained a lot of this unawareness of my inner reality and my focus on “the other” as a projector. Myself, I, this was like a blind spot to me. This is neither altruism nor dependency as I am a well structured being taking full responsibility of myself since too early actually. It is something like always assuming the role of observer and not feel your own presence.
And in contrast, his brother being interested in hearing my own voice and thoughts, he did recognize me. What a strange situation. Another secret that I had back then, is that one of the reasons I was stopping myself every time I thought of ending this relationship, was that I didn’t want to lose the chances to keep in touch with his brother. I just wanted to be around him, I would rarely initiate any interaction with him, there was no need, his presence was very charismatic and could be felt from distance, plus he always noticed and acknowledged me. OK maybe this story is becoming way too awkward :))

Dear anita,

I think you may be right. 🙂

Hi anita,

I will not act on this dream, I consider it more like a lesson for me, something to look as a quality in my future relationship/s. When this will happen, I don’t know yet