An attempt to a relationship with an 'indecisive' woman

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This topic has 19 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.

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May 21, 2016 at 6:22 am #105232

Anonymous
Inactive

Hi. Well It looks like she is not into you. Forgive my honesty but that what I see here from your perspective. That’s upsetting how easily people makes us feel bad. I can see that is not you who should be sad right now, she probably will wake up one day and cry out when realizing she missed her chance.
It is hard on a daily basic when you’re apart. You can try to change your view to ‘ I am thankful for this beautiful experience’ it helped me so keep my advice in mind.
Good luck to you

May 24, 2016 at 2:03 am #105468

Maria_L
Participant

Hello,

Sorry to read about your unfortunate experience with this girl, and with anxiety and depression always lingering in the background, I know life can’t be always fair. Of course, I am sure there is more to the story, and I don’t know about the details of’her leading you on’ part, but I have seen in many times. Good guys don’t always get every girl unfortunately, and also, you never know with girls! I know many examples with my (girl) friends… I perfect guy would come in to her life, but she is obsessed with someone who is awful, and doesn’t give them a chance. Many of us miss opportunities to be happy by pursuing someone who is just not fitted for us. She might be one of those people, and.. you also might be one of those people. I’ve been that person many times 🙂 So, nothing weird here 🙂

And yes, some girls just like the attention, and cure inside insecurities, boredom or whatever.. by still giving small hope to someone who acknowledges their presence on the planet Earth.. Still, I can’t judge, not being there in person, maybe this is not the case. But IF it is.. run! save yourself 🙂 🙂 As fast and soon as you can. One of my best friends does this all her life!!! She kind of ‘rejects’ the guys… but somehow they still call every week.. for years!!!. And they are all sensitive, kind guys, who don’t always approach girls easily. I was so mad the her doing this. And she doesn’t wanna face even her ‘real’ boyfriends when she wants to break up, never had a ‘clean’ break up in her life.. She just slowly disappears, ignores phone calls, etc, cause she is not secure enough to face the drama. This has been also done to me in one or two occasions, and yes, it’s more painful than a straight answer, especially when you are sensitive and being prone to anxiety and depression.

Relationships can give us sense of security and completeness in this world,can add colours in our day, all the stuff our anxiety and depression ‘reap us off’ often. I don’t think it’s the right thing though, for people like us to look salvation in relationship, cause they don’t always work out.. 🙂 But they can be wonderful thing when shared with the right person. Just hang in there,and move forward… You deserve it, another chance to find someone who could be good for you. But it takes patience and time sometimes 🙂

May 24, 2016 at 9:38 am #105501

Wisdom
Participant

i don’t get why people do that either. she could’ve just been straightforward all the times you guys came in contact. either she’s a weirdo that likes to create her own stresses and problems or she’s probably shy. or more…unwilling to get attached to anyone so she’s distancing herself. just remember this: if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen no matter what. and i know time is a big bug, but i guess you’ll just have to wait it out. nothing is really overnight. but if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen no matter what. no matter the law of attraction or whatever is “real”. it’ll just be because energy or destiny said so.

May 27, 2016 at 12:01 pm #105809

Dave
Participant

Hi Cloud,

Jeez, well, I did imagine I would get a response like that at some point…

“Women are approached by men all the time, and we have no idea who is going to turn violent or obsessive.” Yep, that victimization of women is all over the place now. That sort of idea that most men are dangerous (if not rapist or something weird like that), and that women are fragile defenseless little things is what the internet feminism is all about.

“You are effectively accusing her of breaching a contract that *she never signed*. Women are people, with our own desires. We don’t owe you sex or a relationship simply because we had a conversation with you and you managed to fake being nice. I say fake because you clearly have an objective here. You want to close the deal rather than respecting her as a person.”

I hear that all the time. The “women don’t owe you sex/a relationship because you’re nice, now you complain you’re in the friendzone when you did nothing” “you’re not really nice, you’re faking it to get into her pants” or something like that. That crap is all over the internet too.

“You are effectively accusing her of breaching a contract that *she never signed*”. I’m not accusing her of anything really. Don’t know how you get to that conclusion. If I ever sound accusing at all it is all because she kept leading me on (or well, so I believed). Yes she doesn’t owe me anything, I obviously know that, I was just trying to figure out what is going on her supposedly “undecisive” mind. I didn’t fake being nice, and I feel personally insulted by that especially. I didn’t just “play” nice to get her, I’m nice to most of the people most of the time, I was just “extra-nice” with her to approach and get some type of intimacy, and I did have an objective but it was not a concealed one, I told her soon enough that I wanted to try a relationship with her. I guess in your mind “being nice” and “looking for a relationship” are opposites but I just can’t understand why. “You want to close the deal rather than respecting her as a person.” Another statement which I don’t know where the hell it comes from. Quite insulting too. Not sure why you say I’m disrespecting her. If anything, I gave ever tons of time and space to figure things out, I also did my fair share of attempts to get to know her better and understand her. And “close the deal”? for Christ’s sake, that especifically sounds that I just wanted sex. Get in, get out, get away? That’s not my style, sweetie.

I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say: I would like if you don’t escalate things further. I don’t want to get myself wrapped in a heated argument of this tumblr feminism.

AAAAAANYWAY, this a somewhat old post by now. As an update, I ran into her one day, I talked to the girl to get things straight. Again, no more games, and this time definitely. She said No. And then that was it for me (That was a couple of weeks ago). I haven’t talked to her since. End of the story.

May 27, 2016 at 1:21 pm #105811

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Dave:

Glad you are back, 18 days after your last post. I want to support you in your quest, expressed at the beginning of this thread, for clear communication from the woman in the gym and women in general. I share with you my dislike to double talk and leading on suggestions. Let your yes be yes and your no be no, I say. I did not detect anything threatening in your behavior toward the woman at the gym. Interesting though, that it is possible that some women may feel threatened even if there is no evidence of danger. It can be based on prior experience and stories heard in the news and such. Inaccurate projections are a frequent phenomenon, happens all the time.

I wonder if next time you communicate with a woman you are interested in, when you ask her out and you sense a hesitation, maybe you can tell the woman that it is perfectly okay with you if she says no. That will make a potentially scared woman comfortable. She can be scared of simply saying no (to anyone about anything). Once you tell a woman it is okay to say no, that in itself can make a woman interested in you, feeling comfortable with you, safe.

Again, I detected nothing threatening or inappropriate in your behavior with the woman at the gym, but because of frequent inaccurate projections people do, this here may be a learning experience for a next time. And I do hope there is a next time, a loving relationship for you.

Hope you post again:

anita
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