I know how that feels..

All I can say is that you can’t base other peoples relationships and your own past relationships on something new. Yes, it will always bring some form of hurt. But from what you have learned through witnessing and experiencing things will teach you how to be stronger when the next obstacle comes your way. Think of it this way, do you want to be alone forever? Risk taking is a part of life. You got this!

Dear unknownanne:
THe answer, the advice you need is in your name: UNKNOWN Anne. The advice is: get to know Anne. Let someone else get to know Anne. In the context of psychotherapy with a good therapist perhaps?

The walls you have around you- to keep people and to keep yourself from feeling again the hurt of being alive, of trying to love and be loved- obviously the hurt you felt made you so scared- you don’t want to feel that hurt again…

Only you are hurting anyway, even with those walls. Those walls do not do a great job at making you happy enough, do they?

In the context of a good enough relationship, therapy… break a tiny bit of the wall… a bit at a time. But you cannot do it alone. I would say you need a supporting relationship to do this that you need. But you need a reliable person to be in a relationship with. Which is a tough one because you are so afraid. So, I am coming back a full circle to good psychotherapy.

Hope this is helpful.
anita

Hi Anne,

I agree with everything the previous posters have said.

First, learn to love yourself. If you can understand yourself, then you will not “need” to get anything out of a relationship. This will take a lot of the fear out of it, and in the end, only you can provide for your emotional needs anyway.

Then, understand that the past does not predict the future. Relationships are tricky, but if you keep the communication open and aren’t acting out of the fear of losing the other person, it won’t be as scary. Relationships are about learning about yourself through your interactions, about sharing your adventures with someone else, and about learning to understand all of humanity a little better.

Bethany
http://onlinetherapyandcoaching.org

Dear unknownanne:
You are welcome! I do hope you look for and find a therapist who seems and proves to be trustworthy and competent, good enough (although he or she will not be perfect. I do believe that if you heal you will see more and morecolors. You probably tried many times before to help yourself. Please don’t give up on yourself. I tried so many, many times and got nowhere- until I did.

Hope to read from you again, anytime. Would love to read about who Anne is (It is your name…?)

Take Care:
anita