Home→Forums→Relationships→Am I Worthy of Love?
- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 12 months ago by Nishant Agrawal.
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December 26, 2016 at 5:55 am #123600Nishant AgrawalParticipant
I am not like most people here. I don’t have a relationship problem – my problem is not having ever had a relationship. I am a grown-ass 24-year old successful man who has never been in a relationship. Nobody has ever liked me.
I was 22 when I first started worrying about it. I decided to lose weight and dress better. Maybe that will help, I thought. 25 KGs later – I am more unhappy than ever. How do I look in the mirror and tell that person he isn’t ugly?
I look for answers. I can no longer blame my weight. Maybe it’s my face? Something there. Maybe my skin color? I wish I was white. Maybe it’s because I have no confidence? I am terrified of rejection. It will kill me.
How do I convince myself that I am worthy of love? Am I doing something wrong, or is the wrong inside me?
December 26, 2016 at 7:14 am #123602AnonymousGuestDear nish29:
You wrote that rejection will kill you, as if it might happen in the future, being rejected. It already happened and it happens every day when you look in the mirror. You rejected yourself every time you wish you were different. The good news: it didn’t kill you, you survived it. The bad news is living daily believing you are rejectable makes a poor quality of living.
Rejection already happened to you, many times. It started with a parent or parents rejecting you, did it not?
anita
December 26, 2016 at 10:22 pm #123653TheresaParticipantHmm…that makes no sense at all
December 26, 2016 at 10:26 pm #123654Nishant AgrawalParticipantThat is an interesting perspective. I haven’t been rejected by a parent. I have no family issues.
In real life, I’ve tried approaching someone twice, and got rejected both times. I tried online dating, to no avail, and got catfished twice.
December 27, 2016 at 12:57 am #123658Nina SakuraParticipantNish,
I am very bad at giving kind answers usually. So here it goes – you are only 24, got rejected twice in real terms (the other 2 wanted to steal your money, so crooks don’t count)
You cite reasons like your weight and complexion for your problems. You say that it’s your external appearance that’s wrong but truth is, you don’t see your own value. How do you expect anyone else to notice it?
Do you honestly believe that your ideal girl will be obsessed with looks?
On very basic level, a girl wants a responsible guy, who treats her well and has his shit together in his life. I have friends who are short, dark, fat etc and they still found a partner. The reason is they never let these things get to them. One of my previous boyfriends wasn’t good looking at all but damn, he had this calm confidence about him – he knew his flaws and owned them.
Everyone gets out of shape and non-pretty over time. People age. This superficial nonsense can get you only so far.
So please stop pitying yourself. Start seeing what’s good in you.
You had the will power to lose 25 KGS – dude, how many people have that much patience? You are willing to look at your flaws. Most people don’t, they blame others.
There is much good in you but you need to get out of this inferiority complex. Why must you ask strangers here if you are worthy of love?
Why does our opinion really matter?
Its your opinion that really matters.
Talk to someone professionally regarding this inferiority complex. Even a free therapist from yourdost would be a good start.
Nish, don’t let two rejections make you reject your life or yourself.
Regards
NinaPS – I apologise for being harsh.
December 27, 2016 at 1:50 am #123662Nishant AgrawalParticipantThank you for replying. It makes me feel better. I am starting to realise that I do need to see a therapist. Or, at least, participate in group therapy. I’ve kept a lot bottled inside of me. It’s only this week I started realising that I need to first forgive and love myself, before I can expect someone else to like me.
I started meditation yesterday. I hope to keep up with it. I’ll try harder and find some group therapy as well.
Thank you.
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