HomeâForumsâRelationshipsâAm I reacting like a child?
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Anonymous.
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February 18, 2020 at 6:21 am #338824
AnonymousInactiveI
m so sorry I posted this omG....I gave in my impulses again. See, I made a progress, then I take it all back. I would like some commentary on him and my dating skill, meaning on how I managed this situation, but Im also ashamed right now. I promised myself to never look back AND HERE WE GO AGAIN… I`m just sorry.February 18, 2020 at 8:35 am #338834AnonymousGuestDear Sofioula:
You were out one night and met a guy and âinstantly felt hard for himâ. First week of getting to know him, you talked “all day everyday through texts” and went to coffee dates. He treated you well, opening doors for you, paying for coffee, etc. You quickly learned that he didnât have an education, that he misused his fatherâs money to play poker online, and that he doesnât work for much of the year. He nicknamed you “puppy” because he said you are a “yes girl”, agreeable, that is, submissive.
When you asked him on the second week if the two of you were exclusive, he reacted coldly, distant. Second week you had sex with him at his place. The morning after, he didn’t call you and when you called him in the afternoon he was “sleeping and he was annoyed.. really cold and distant”. You asked him if he still wanted to see you, asking him this question “like a scared puppy, really politely.. said sorry for inconveniencing (him)â, and he responded negatively to you.
Later on you met and he âwas colder than ever.. didnât look me in the eyes.. downgrade my diplomas and make me fear my career future.. His kisses were faint and his holding my hands alsoâ. The two days after, you asked him out and he refused. Later on he told you that âdidnât have any feelings for (you), that sex meant nothing.. saying I remind him of his ex, that he doesnât want to waste timeâ. You âasked for a final meetup.. he denied.. Then he vanished.
My input today: your submissive behavioral pattern with men- being a yes-girl, and sorry-to-inconvenience you-girl- once again did not work for you.
Even though you derive pleasure from acting submissively with a man, I still suggest what I suggested to you before: “creating a Sophie who is Direct, Assertive, Soft and Honest: DASH“.
Earlier this month in your previous thread, you wrote: “There is nothing I hate more, nothing I am more afraid of than being/ witnessing unfairness. More than death, more than loneliness, more than pain. When I was a child, I wanted to become a judge or lawyer to protect victims (especially of rape/domestic violence/human rights)”-
– There is no occupation that requires more assertiveness than a lawyer or a judge. A submissive “yes girl”, or more accurately, a submissive yes-man or yes-woman would make a terrible lawyer!
Better become a DASH lawyer in your own life- protecting yourself from mistreatment and unfairness. (Instead of inviting it).
anita
February 25, 2020 at 4:26 am #339902AnonymousInactiveGood day Anita,
I felt embarassed to have typed this. I felt embarassed to have once more to ask for confirmation about the past. Or my logic. I built and then I destroy. At this time, I don`t know which is triggering what. But now, I feel numb about it. I feel that it was someone else writting this. A past self or something of the sort. Something happened…
During an appointment with my therapist, she reffered me to a psychiatrist to get an evaluation from him as well. Last Friday, I went to his office and I was diagnozed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I was shocked to have found out that what I go through has a name and a treatment and that I am not alone in this world. As I type this now, I`m getting emotional. He talked as if he was watching me all my life!!! He was spot on on everything , I cannot explain it! All these years trying to say this to my family, other people and no one could understand! Imagine someone knowing exactly what you mean!!! What a blessed relief that was! My knowledge of OCD was that of the stereotypical super aggitated perfectionist! It is totally misrepresented…
He suggested that I continue my CBT specifically for my OCD and that medication is available for me whenever I feel I cannot cope with therapy alone – meaning if it becomes too disfunctional. He explained the different kinds to me thouroughly. I agreed to that as I
m yet to explore true therapy and its effect on me. My therapist agree also and we formed a team, to be always in contact and adress whatever pops up. My therapist and I will also work on the subject of self image and self worth. I am optimistic for once. I`m still flirting with the idea of medication since I had the most horrific (from ocd and anxiety) 3 days of my life.All this torture, all the pain, all this feeling of losing my mind, crying out to people for confirmation and support …it was this…. An untreated disorder that made my life both disfunctional and miserable. I wish I had known earlier. Oh I wish…
I wanna thank you once again for all your kindness and support. You`ve been tolerating my sh*t for so long. đ
February 25, 2020 at 11:02 am #339950AnonymousGuestDear Sofioula:
You are welcome. I too was diagnosed with OCD. The diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is different from the diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (that “stereotypical super agitated perfectionist” that you mentioned). These are two separate diagnoses.
Both diagnoses as well as most mental diagnoses have this in common: anxiety= an over-stimulation, or over arousal of our nerve cells/ connections. Each diagnosis is about grouping the many expressions/ symptoms of anxiety into groups, and calling this group X and the other group Y, and so on.
It is not that you were born with OCD. We are not born with any one of the hundreds of diagnoses available in such a book as the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of mental Disorders (DSM), we suffer from anxiety in our childhood and we develop this symptom and then the other symptom, and over time we end up with a group of symptoms. When you see a doctor or a therapist, he or she makes a list of our existing symptoms and decides which group of symptoms aka diagnosis fits you.
Feel free to post again anytime!
anita
April 13, 2020 at 1:24 pm #349242AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
In one hour from now, I will be turning 26 years old. It’s going to be my birthday!!! So, I took this opportunity to post my update as we discussed before.
My therapy is going very well! I’ve seen huge improvement. My therapist is very attentive and hands on with CBT. My OCD has “relaxed” up to 80%. The only times I get triggered is when I’m on my period or on my fertile day. And that’s not even half bad as it used to. I can now watch a movie, do meditation, cook, enjoy company without this hyperventilation going on in my brain. It’s super nice!
March 17th I was fired from my office due to financial strains and the outbreak of covid 19. AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER! At first, I was sceptical of how I would react and my parents were so worried I would spiral back to depression. But the opposite happened. I became happier, calmer and everyone says : Sofia is back. After consulting with my therapist, we came to the conclusion that my job was not only unfullfiling but also toxic and it not being my primary focus, it was eating from the background. I know it sound complicated but, it makes me feel good…
In my love life, well there’s none. But that’s ok. I truly think it’s not a big deal. My only concern is that I fear receiving a happy birthday text from my ex, but I know it won’t happen, which also makes me feel kinda disappointed. I focus on my therapy and what’s good for me. I’ve dealt with my “demons” but I still have to fight for my place in “heaven”.
Having OCD yourself, do you have any helpful tips on how to shoo that particular thought away? Even though it’s not overpowering, I’m still afraid it might get bigger as tomorrow approaches… I don’t want it to take control over my birthday.
April 13, 2020 at 3:20 pm #349282AnonymousGuestDear Sofioula:
H a p p y     B i r t h d a y   S o f i k a ! ! !
Congratulations for making huge a improvement in your mental health while seeing an excellent therapist- I am very glad to read this!
Regarding how to “shoo that particular thought away”- when you find yourself thinking about him and feeling distressed about it, do damage control, say to yourself: this distress doesn’t have to last for the rest of the day, it is momentary, that is all. Then relax best you can, or focus on something that has nothing to do with him.
Try to not fear your thoughts, because none of your thoughts are dangerous. Some are associated with distress, but that distress is not dangerous and it is not eternal. You can contain that distress to five minutes, or ten minutes, not letting it spread to the rest of the day.
Yet in other words: when you find yourself thinking about him, don’t panic, it’s not a big deal.
Does this help any?
anita
April 20, 2020 at 2:34 pm #350766AnonymousInactiveDear Anita,
Thank you for your wishes! It really made my night! I was initially afraid of turning 26, as I thought age is an enemy and a step closer to my falsely perceived future of endless single-ness. But I’m feeling nice and comfortable with it.
Understanding that thoughts aren’t dangerous… You get me! As time goes by and I try to voice what I’m feeling with OCD to my family, I realize that only another person with that condition can actually get it. I feel understood and heard when I read your advice. Noone can see that my obsessions are a real threat to me. That they “exist” . I don’t blame them at all though. So this piece of advice you offer is calming me down a lot. I need to tattoo in on my arm! I also came to see that I don’t miss him, it’s being happy and in love that I’m missing. And that’s a huge step for my growth.
I will try to implement both damage control and threat evaluation and will definitely log in again to check in with you.
Hope you have a blessed day!
April 20, 2020 at 2:45 pm #350772AnonymousGuestDear Sofioula:
You are welcome, and thank you for your appreciation and good wishes. I am glad you are feeling nice and comfortable with your age, and am looking forward to the next time you post. Take good care of your 26 year old self!
anita
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