Hello Dave,
From someone who will be 50 soon, please know you are not the only one. I have a similar situation, and I find myself feeling jealous, feeling like he was “mine” and also feeling like I should have learned this by now. Maybe one point of solace is, that we are still young and heart, and have not gotten so jaded and cynical that we cannot feel. As I see so many of my friends turning 50, I see many who will never get involved with someone again out of fear of hurt. I so wish we could only push away negative feelings, but if we do, we push them all down.
I am stuck too, plagued by feelings of jealousy and fear that I won’t be able to move on. I just wanted to write and show some solidarity, and to let you know you are not alone in feeling this way. People keep telling me it is normal.
I’ll admit, I just wish “normal” didn’t hurt so much.
So, I am sending loving, healing, peaceful energy your way!