Am I destined to be alone?

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 9 months ago by Cameron.

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March 6, 2014 at 8:50 am #52379

Anonymous
Inactive

In Friendships – Friends have come and gone, none stayed for long. I was the only one initiating, planning get-together, outings, etc. Slowly and steadily we drifted as my friends moved into relationships and forming families. The dynamics changed and there attitude change.

Now I don’t fit anywhere, because I am 31 year old single female. I do not have anything to offer in conversation (like partners, kids, family, etc)

In Relationships – I always attracted a master-slave dynamic, where I had to perform one or the other.

I am sick and tired of myself and my life. I had always given, but still I stand alone at this stage of my life, where I don’t get accepted by my peers because of my single-status and can’t even manage to find a healthy relationship.

March 6, 2014 at 10:33 am #52382

Kelly
Participant

Hi Network, I can relate somewhat as I am a single 34 year old woman (turning 35 next month). The majority of my friends are married/coupled with children. I sometimes have moments where I feel lost or like an outsider, but I’ve come to a point in my life where I enjoy the pleasure of my own company. I also have a dog, who is a great companion. I used to get upset about the fact that I felt I was the one making most of the effort in my friendships as far as making plans, initiating calls, etc. but now I look at it almost as a blessing – I get to live life on my terms. If I want a day to myself hiking with my dog, that’s what I’ll do. If I want to be social, I’ll invite a friend along. If the friend has other commitments, well, that’s fine, because I know I can have a nice day all on my own.

I hope you do not truly believe you have nothing to offer in conversation. Partners, kids, family are all great topics of discussion, but they’re not the only topics. What hobbies do you have? What do you enjoy doing? Who are your favorite bands? What movies do you like? Current events in the news, and so on. All wonderful things to discuss.

I think when you get to a point where you can be happy just being you, you will attract other happy people into your life. It’s a daily practice to find happiness wherever we can. I feel for you and hope that you can take some time to reflect on what you are grateful for in your life. I think you will find there is much to be happy about.

March 6, 2014 at 11:11 am #52390

Chad
Participant

I know it sounds lame, but there seems to be a trend up and coming called “meet up” groups. You can research local ones on line. They usually revolved around a bunch of random people who enjoy a particular thing and want to do that thing with other people who also enjoy it. It could be playing cards, riding bikes, hiking, or just going out to dinner. You’ll find there are a lot of people just like you, who are looking for friendship from people just like you. You have to be willing to give what it is you want to receive from someone. Hope you look into the meet up thing, sounds lame and awkward but that feeling goes away quickly.

March 6, 2014 at 11:59 am #52397

Jennifer Bardall
Participant

Chad has a good idea here. Honestly, being single and 31 is not that uncommon!

I understand what you mean when you say you feel like there’s nothing to offer/nothing in common – some people really become centered on their marriage or kids, and it’s hard to relate anymore. I totally get that.

Still, there are plenty of ways to meet new people!

You need to drop some of your limiting beliefs, too – it seems like you feel as though you have nothing to offer, being 31 and still single. Not true at all! Are you sure that it’s not just you who doesn’t find you worthy? Just something to think about.

Sometimes we’re the ones holding ourselves back because someone gave us an idea that we weren’t good enough, and without knowing it we’ve carried that feeling with us. After a while we’re the only ones who feel this way, only we don’t know it! Give it some thought, okay?

March 6, 2014 at 6:49 pm #52437

E. Buddha
Participant

It may sound cliche but volunteering is a genuinely good way to get out of your bubble, help a cause you care about, and possibly meet other cool people. I dont think anyone is destined to be alone. People do drift and focus on their own families in their 30s, and I think that is normal. The other half of conversation is listening, so try to be a good listener and learn about things you are interested in so you have stuff to talk about.

March 9, 2014 at 5:57 am #52509

Cameron
Participant

Hi Chad

You kept saying meet up sounds lame and awkward, are you really trying to convince Network 7 to get out of the comfort zone and meet new people? I personally think meet up is a great website. I’ve been to three meet ups so far and have had a great time.
I don’t think meet up is lame and awkward. It’s just another way to meet people that you don’t normally meet.
Have a peaceful day.
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