Dear Jennifer:

You shared that you met a guy three months ago on an online dating site, November 2021. The two of you spent time together 1-2 times per week, on weekdays, for a few hours each time, either in your place or in his, never going out on dates or meeting each other’s family or friends. You texted each other that you “love each other and miss each other“, but ever talked about the future. At one time he was back on the dating site, at other times he blocked you and denied that he did, then unblocked you, you haven’t seen him for a week. He blocked you recently on Valentine’s Day, a few days ago, then unblocked you a day later.

“I feel he doesn’t care about my feelings” – I agree.  “or doesn’t want to put any effort in our so-called relationship” – I agree.  “I really do not know what to do” – I don’t think that there is anything for you to do other than (1) Have nothing to do with him anymore and (2) Learn from the experience: in the future, see to it that if you are interested in dating a guy, go out on dates with him, talk about the future and meet his friends and family, over time. “Am I being played or am I just a fool for falling for a player“- seems to me that he was interested in just having sex with you, and that he told you that he loved you, so that you will be willing to have sex with him. Also, seems to me that you were quiet about what you wanted and went along with whatever he wanted, not being assertive with him.

Please let me know what you think about this reply, and I would like to post to you again when I am back to the computer in about 11 hours from now.

anita

Zen monks who travelled the land would often stop at Zen Buddhist temples looking for a place for the night. At times, there would be a sort of Zen Dual. If the travelling monk could defeat the temple representative in a silent battle of Buddhist thoughts or understanding then they would be allowed to stay. One day, there was a travelling monk looking for a place to stay for the night.  The Abbot, who was very busy at the time, assign his pupil to go greet the monk. His pupil was a rather large fellow who only had one eye after losing the other eye in a childhood accident. So, he goes to the entry way and greets the travelling monk. The Monk bows and then puts up one finger. The abbot’s pupil bows and puts up two fingers. The travelling monk then bows and walks away. The Abbot sees the travelling monk and asked him what had happened. The monk said that he put up one finger to show the we are one with the world. Then the abbot’s student put up two fingers to show the duality that we all live under. Therefore, after having loss, the travelling monk was leaving. A little later, the Abbot saw his student and asked him what had happened. The student replied that the monk was very rude. He held up one finger to show me that I had only one eye. So, I held up two fingers to congratulate him on having two eyes. Then he turns and runs away. If I find him I will beat him up. The Abbot just smiles.

It is easy to misunderstand people cause we are into what we believe is going on. The truth is sometimes a little harder to see. I wish you happiness in your journey.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Tommy.

Dear Jennifer:

I wonder how you are feeling today, a week after you last posted?

anita