Hugs I’m so sorry Lea. I  can relate so much to what you write.  My anxiety has recently been triggered big time.  Like you, I will never let go of my pets. Last pets I lost were ponies I had for many years.  Both my dogs seniors and I feel closer to them than people.

It does sound as though on one hand you are trying to do too much though on the other hand, you are procrastinating about things which need to take more of a priority.  I can relate so much.  Today, I took some positive steps to make tangible improvement to a situation which is causing me increasing anxiety.

I have felt as though I am marching time with my life and not happy. I haven’t felt joy apart from the happiness my pets bring me for a long time.

I don’t currently have a lot of options for counselling at present either.  I do know though that I need to stay around at least for a while to take care of my pets. While I had a recent illness, a friend who is very good with animals took care of my dogs for 3 days, but I can see that she doesn’t know my dogs as I do and missed some important things in their care though still took good care of them.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dog.  You will ALWAYS love him, never forget him. A place in your heart is only for him.

I do hope that at some point you will open your heart to another dog because so many of them lead lives of sadness and neglect, and frankly, there are just not enough kind people about to rescue them and care for them. I feel strongly that you are one of those people