Home→Forums→Relationships→All Relationships
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 6 months ago by Grey Heron.
-
AuthorPosts
-
May 20, 2015 at 9:45 am #77016MysteryAParticipant
Hello,
My partner & I recently ended our relationship over a month ago with little/no contact. I still care about him, but know that it’s just not the time to be together. I want to move on and have a larger social life. I am on different path than my old friends who I see maybe once a month. I want to have an active social life, yet I have anxiety. Im 23 F and have pretty low-self esteem which I try to work on both personally and professionally. Sometimes I can be very confident, and then at other times I can become a recluse. I have looked into “Meet-up” to possibly meet new people but even that I haven’t found anything I am really interested in. I want to join an art or acting class, but am short financially at the moment. Right now, during my freetime I usually workout, bike ride, walk my dog, read or am on the computer. I also have joined “Ok-Cupid”, and have been talking to a person for about a week, but then when the mention of hanging out happens I disappeared. I guess I fear that he may only be interested in physical, yet I don’t even know this guy… talk about irrational. I think that fear stems from how my ex truly saw and appreciated me for who I was. I seek intellectual/emotional connection over physical, right now at least.
It’s like I want to be social, yet am my own worst enemy and I make up excuses to back out or intimidate myself. I also have recently started a job and I really want to just be myself and relaxed, but rather I feel I may just be coming off as shy/uninterested.
Any tips/suggestions as to what you’d recommend. I feel like I am in the passenger seat to my own life, I don’t want to regret letting opportunities go by just due to my own irrational fears.Thank you
May 20, 2015 at 4:24 pm #77032BrokenharpParticipantHi Ashley,
Similar phase what I am going through my life now after a break up. But I v been used and cheated by my Ex. and so hard for me to recover for it as he ended up getting married to another recently forgetting all. I am too scared to have another relationship as u said its people look only physical things rather than strong emotional bonds. This is crazy.
But keep faith. live in the present moment. take one step at a time till the dark phase passes. And think anything that doesn’t kill you makes you strong. So learn the lessons from past and move on. Because its only us can help ourselves to jump over hurdles, no one else could do that for us. you are young and energetic…hope you will find a solution soon..believe in yourself..cheers!
May 21, 2015 at 3:57 am #77048Grey HeronParticipantHi Ashley,
I can totally relate to what you are experiencing. I went through a bad break up a few years ago, and (Brokenharp) he ended up getting married to the person he left me for (within a year they were married with a baby). This was particularly hurtful when the reasons for wanting to split up were because he never wanted to get married and have kids (whereas I did). But anyway… what I did was to go to Meet-Ups, even the ones that sounded uninteresting, even when I didn’t feel like it. I was so horribily upset at the time (I had also lost a family member) that I had to break down each ‘social event’ or ‘meet-up’ into baby steps. So I would tell myself, “I just needed to put my shoes on”. Then “I just needed to walk to the bus stop”. Then “I just need to sit on the bus”…. etc, until I was at the event. I always told myself that I could turn around and go home at any point. But I never did need to. I would just smile at the first person I saw and say Hello. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes it wasn’t. But I ALWAYS felt better about myself, that I went and I survived. I ended up with some really cringy stories, that I can now laugh about with my friends. Just learning to laugh again really helped. I would just tell myself; these people don’t know me, are probably feeling the same as me and I want to make them feel better (all the emphasis was on them and not on me!). I also wanted to make a good impression. If you have just got a new job you must have a) looked good on paper b) impressed at your interview. Until socialising feels more natural, perhaps think of social events like putting your best points forward when you meet someone new. You can always leave the conversation or the whole event at any point (unlike when you have a boyfriend and you want to leave a party, but he doesn’t want to..ergh). You are now the captain of your own ship. If you feel like being a recluse for a few days, then do it. But give yourself something to aim for so you can check it off your list, and feel a sense of ‘progress’ or ‘achievement’. You never know what might happen.
Good luck ! -
AuthorPosts