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After being strong for so long, now, I am paralyzed by fear

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→After being strong for so long, now, I am paralyzed by fear

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  • October 10, 2015 at 10:02 am #85178
    wow90
    Participant

    Over a year ago, I made a daring move to a new city where I didn’t know anybody. It was very difficult, but some definitely positives came out of the situation. I’ve been told repeatedly how courageous I am/was, and I was proud of that fact. However, towards the end of the time, I lost the freelance job that was supporting me, and quickly spiraled into depression as I went on many, many interviews, and was rejected every time. A relative of mine finally offered me a job in a different city, and I left (about two months ago). The job is not exactly exciting, but I appreciate it.

    But anyway, the job is not the point. The point is, I have been suffering from paralysis of initiative for several months now. I knew going in that this job is something that will help pay the bills, and help me build a life for myself, not something that I will stay at. But when I start to try and put my plans in motion, I start to stall. My to-do lists have been going unfinished for weeks, and I just feel…afraid, a lot.

    What is happening to me? How can I go from fearless to fearful? What happened to all the stuff I learned on my journey in my new city? I don’t feel overtly depressed, but I’m the kind of person that is always planning something and trying to better myself. Now, I’m just sabotaging.

    October 10, 2015 at 12:27 pm #85181
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wow90:

    The fearless break you had is over. It felt great, didn’t it? But it couldn’t go on forever. It feels so good to be fearless and it makes you think you can always be that way, after all you have been that way for this long, so it can be forever. Not so, there is no life without fear and every one of us has to learn to live with fear. So it is back. And you probably fear the fear and want it gone. Need to accept it is to stay and any fearless time is only a break from fear, inherent in life.

    anita

    October 11, 2015 at 5:32 pm #85221
    wow90
    Participant

    Thanks Anita – I appreciate your post.

    October 11, 2015 at 5:58 pm #85223
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear wow90:

    You are welcome. So how are you feeling today/ tonight?

    I noticed that when I stop being afraid of being afraid and stay with the first fear, well, it is not so bad.

    When I feel fear and think: what is happening to me? What is going to happen to me? How bad are things going to get? those thoughts increase my fear. Two things: feeling fear is scary in itself. Then thought make me more and more afraid.

    It is hard for me to explain. i will try: there is the primary fear, that is just being afraid, and then there is the secondary fear, that is feeling fear about the primary fear. This secondary fear escalates with catastrophizing thinking and the result paralysis.

    Notice where in your body you feel fear, where in your body does it hurt, or feels hot or cold, how is your breathing…: this is fear. Then think: I can endure this, I can endure this pain here, and this heat there (take off a sweater, let’s say) and I can endure this sensation here. This is me enduring fear.

    Then block the catastrophizing thoughts: when afraid it is not the time to analyze, not effective. So don’t try.

    Then say: I can handle this (primary) fear. I am not afraid of this fear, it is not dangerous to me (this sensation, this pain here is not dangerous, not fatal(

    And you adopt an attitude of courage regarding the primary fear. You are afraid let’s say of let’s say being unemployed and not being able to pay your bills, but you are no longer afraid of being afraid (of not paying the bills).

    …?
    anita

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